Ross Is Dadding So Hard Today.

I almost wish Father's Day was every week. Ross is such an amazing Dad, he'd deserve it. Isn't he so handsome doing the Dad thing? Be still my heart.

Also, Mama Loveland is in town and brought these cool squirt toys that Ross became the victim of. (No, I did not play.)

Mama Loveland is in town and Ross took today off, so we went to my favorite farm market/petting farm. Thank goodness Grandma brought the quarters.

"Cause Females are strong as Hell"

That was my motto and reassurance toward the end of pregnancy. I discovered it right after being put on bed rest. I watched both seasons of Kimmy Schmidt in two days. #bedrestchampion And that's where my survival mantra came from.

I bring it up because today I'm relying on it again. Yesterday was Emma's kidney testing and today the results are in. Turns out not only do I try to kick these babies out half-baked, I also make mutant babies.

One kidney has an extra pelvis, apparently it's a part of the kidney and not just a bone. The other kidney has an extra drainey thingy. And those extra's aren't supposed to be there. Neither kidney is doing what they're supposed to and that's why they're so big.

Tomorrow we're doing another test to see just how much these unwelcome additions are affecting kidney function. Depending on the results she will either need surgery, or will be closely monitored for life with a possibility of surgery down the road. Either way she's being referred to an emergency pediatric urologist. I'm not sure what the difference is between an emergency urologist and a normal urologist. Maybe it just sounds more official. I wonder if that title is actually on the business card.

It's super awesome finally knowing what's up with this love nugget's kidneys and have some answers! She'll be on the antibiotic for a long while and we need to be extra careful to make sure she doesn't get any infections. Her mutant kidneys might not be able to handle it.

But it's not all bad. She's gaining weight like a champ and is already a half pound bigger than birth weight, good news!

I've also been binge watching Fixer Upper during late night feedings. And in one of the early episodes Joanna Gaines makes a gorgeous wall sign with a fantastic quote.

Obviously, this isn't the wall sign she had made.

I love it. And I think about it every morning when the sun comes up and I've only had three hours of sleep. Having four kids five and under can be overwhelming, but reminding myself that it's a good day makes all the difference. I've taken all the girls to the zoo, hiking, shopping. By myself. And it's been awesome because every day it's a good day to have a good day. Also, females are strong as Hell.

Everyone Loves a Good Birth Story.

This was almost the longest I'd ever stayed pregnant. Almost. And I am a terrible pregnant person. At my 37 week appointment, I was sitting at 6 cm dilated. Before that I had been waltzing around at 5. Doc really didn't think I'd make it through the weekend, which would have worked out since it was her weekend on call at the hospital. She told me to not even call L&D to ask if I should go in, but to go as soon as I thought something *might* be happening. With Tiegan, I went from a 7 to holding a baby in 20-25 minutes so an unplanned home birth was a serious concern.

 The weekend came and went with no baby. When my 38 week appointment came around, we were all shocked. Claire was born just shy of 39 weeks and here I was at 38 weeks, 2 days. Nothing had changed, and because I wasn't 39 weeks doc couldn't do anything to get things rolling. She was on call at the hospital again the following Monday, so we scheduled a membrane sweep for Monday morning. After, she'd put me on the monitors and if I was contracting at all, she'd just admit me. I was having contractions what felt like ALL the time, so we were pretty much guaranteed a baby on Monday. Doc joked that of course now that we scheduled it, babe would probably make her debut before then.

That night, Ross and I did the usual: Netflix and Skip-bo with apple slices and cheese before bed. I made my 10,000 bathroom trips through the night, but sometime between 1 and 3 AM things were just feeling a little wet. I drink 7-9 liters of water a day and this nugget had been at 0 station for a few weeks, so I slept with a shirt between my legs (too lazy to get up and grab a towel) and didn't think much of it.

Every morning, I huff and puff and roll out of bed and head downstairs. The girls wake up before the sun and watch cartoons, Ross gets up at 6:15, and I show up a little after 7:00. I grab a diet coke from the fridge to put the nausea at bay and sit on my living room throne for a while. Ross heads off to work at 7:30 and the girls and I enjoy a lazy few minutes before the cleaning party begins. After Ross left, I got up to go to the bathroom for the 50th time that morning and noticed a huge wet spot on my pants. I decided to change and see if it happened again and resumed my place on the couch. While sitting there were a few more gushes. I still wasn't convinced I wasn't just peeing myself.

This whole pregnancy with the serious cramps and contractions I have been determined to not show up at L&D unless I'd be leaving with a baby. There were many nights I'd be gritting my teeth and grimacing in pain and Ross would kindly suggest I go in. I'd glare and grunt that I refused to go in unless a baby was hanging halfway out. (I'm a really kind pregnant person. Ross deserves a medal.)

I said a quick prayer that I'd know if things were happening and that I'd know when to go in. And I seriously hoped I could get out of my own stupid head to feel any promptings. I was going to go start the cleaning party and work on the kitchen but really felt like I should go sit down again. Right when I sat down I had a couple bigger gushes and knew it was go time. Ross headed home and I arranged for girls to go to a friend's house. (Seriously, so blessed to text someone and say hey, can my kids come over like right now?! and have them say yes.) Bags were mostly packed, but I gathered the rest while waiting for Ross to come home.

Usually I'm the driver, but with contractions picking up I had Ross drive while I sat on my towel and gushed all the way to the hospital. The walk to L&D from the parking garage is seriously long. I guess it makes you question whether you REALLY want to get checked out. I looked like I had peed my pants, and since I hadn't gotten ready for the day, I looked pretty homeless too. I tried to waddle with my knees together to contain the gushing and had to stop every now and then for contractions. I'm sure I was quite the sight.

We got admitted around 10 to test for fluid and get monitored. I was at a 6-6.5 and really stretchy and sure enough water had broken. Ross was pretty pumped, there were 3 soccer matches on that day. Thank you, Copa America. I was undecided on pain meds so I decided to wait and see. We got set up in our room around 11, and since this nugget wasn't preterm, I didn't have to be hooked up to monitors the whole time! Yahoo! I did have an IV with antibiotics and fluid, but I was able to walk around and use the IV cart as a walking stick.

The dr on call came in to say hi and chat for a bit. When talking about pain management, he said if I wanted to go med free, great, but they don't hand out blue ribbons and if I wanted an epidural, that was okay too and probably the sooner the better because when I really hit active labor, it'd go really fast. I felt like an idiot for not knowing what I wanted to do. The contractions weren't that bad yet, and there were definitely things about Tiegan's med-free birth that I loved, just not the 20 minutes where I wanted to die. I opted to just wait it out and they had everything for an epidural set up and ready so if/when I decided I wanted it they could get it in fast.  While dr was talking with me, he was definitely checking out the soccer game going on.

The nurse suggested I walk around and see if that would get things going. I just walked laps around the room and sipped on apple juice. Ross asked if I was leaning towards med-free again and I said yes. I think I pooed 5 times and was seriously concerned about ruining my perfect not pooping on the table record. And then things picked up. Within 5 minutes of saying I was thinking med-free I was wanting to die and told the nurse ASAP that I was tapping out and wanting the epidural. We had decided earlier on that if/when I wanted it they wouldn't recheck me unless I was feeling pushy and that I could get the epidural. There wasn't any harm in waiting to push, so if I *was* ready to push, I could still get the epidural and hold off.

They called the anesthesiologist and I'm so grateful they had everything already set up and ready to go. He walked in and I said "I think you're my new best friend!" He asked how I was doing and I said, "Probably about how it looks." At that point, I was feeling tons of pressure and in serious pain and not really liking Ross. (Poor guy.)

I was a hard target for the anesthesiologist and he was awesome. Contractions were coming more frequently and the pressure made it hard to sit. The nurse told me I was doing awesome to which I asked if she'd ever told someone they suck at this. (No, she hadn't, but promised I was actually awesome.) I threw up while the anesthesiologist was trying to go, and the vomiting had me gushing a ton. I apologized to the nurse and asked if I had barfed on anyone. She said I had great aim and everything got in the bag. I noticed a wet spot on the bed and apologized for that too, and she said it was from the washcloths and I was sitting in my own puddle. (I'm really funny when I'm in labor.) A few more contractions and the anesthesiologist was done! Once it started to kick in and I got relief from the pressure, I told the anesthesiologist how fantastic my crotch felt.

I got situated in the bed and placed on the monitors. The nurse thought I was probably ready to push, but said she'd let me just enjoy the relief for a while and then check me. 20 minutes later she came in to check and I was almost there, but not quite. She helped me roll on my side and 5 minutes later I was feeling lots of pressure. Sure enough, babe was right there and ready!

This was the first time having a male deliver. And there were definitely some differences, like checking on the soccer match while chatting with me. During the actual delivery, he didn't even put on gloves until she was coming out. I kind of really liked him. He was super low key and calm and relaxed about the whole thing.

We pushed in sets of 3. Since I was nice and numb, it was such a different experience from last time. No screaming at all. I made a comment and joked with the doctor about it. At one point between pushing sets I had Ross, the doctor, and 2 nurses just sitting waiting for the next contraction. It was silent so I said, "Sorry guys, y'all are staring at my crotch, but it's kind of a waiting game." It was just weird to not be in pain and between pushing with everyone just waiting.

It's been an emotional pregnancy. I mean, the hormones make it worse, but I feel like I cried ALL the time. With the kidney concerns from the get-go and no answers, and later in the pregnancy wondering if I could really handle 4 littles when it felt like I barely had my routine with the three. Her kidney could be any number of things. I had a high risk of down syndrome, but declined the testing since it increases the risk for preterm delivery and I'm already such a high risk. The last ultrasound at 34 weeks, we couldn't get a great picture of her nose/mouth and it looked a little funky. I was worried I'd reject this nugget. I didn't feel SUPER connected like I had with the other three. The last month or so, I knew I wanted her out, but I wasn't so sure I wanted 4 kids. I was pretty much feeling like mother of the year. The theme song from Unbreakable of Kimmy Schmidt, the part that says, "Cause females are strong as hell" has been my mantra for the past couple of months.

She came out in just 3 or 4 sets of 3 pushes. Super fast. They had me watch when it was super close.  I felt the pop of her head and said, "Woah! That's a big head!" Everyone laughed and doc goes, "uhh actually, that's a pretty normal head." This hospital does delayed cord clamping and an hour of skin to skin time before they even measure her. And we fell in love right away. Ross hung out for a while before going to get the big sisters.

After the hour, the nurse took her and took her stats. After, she helped me get cleaned up and situated before moving to our room upstairs.We snuggled and I just breathed in that intoxicating new baby smell until the big sisters showed up. Earlier, Ross and I had picked out some Best Sisters Forever necklace lockets for the older girls from the baby. I wanted them to know that they are special and important too with all of the new changes to our family. And I'm super grateful we found one that was a set of 3. Tiegan came running in squealing "Mommy!" which makes my heart melt. The older two were pretty interested in the baby at first before discovering the free juice and crackers. Tiegan was wanting to jump on the bed while I protected my IV arm and Emma from the psycho toddler. They stayed to watch Emma get her first bath before heading home for the night.

The next day she got checked out by our pediatrician. The sisters had come back for a visit and we were hanging out in the family lounge. He said hi to everyone and talked to the girls and just checked her out right there. He wasn't even supposed to be working, he was headed out of town for a long weekend, but since he had been expecting her arrival for a couple of months, he wanted to check her out on his way out. (Seriously, if I have one skill, it's picking amazing pediatricians. And he was pretty amazed she stayed cooking for as long as she did.) He chatted with me for a while about her kidney and made sure I knew everything about the game plan and didn't have any questions before taking off for vacation.

Overall this was the best delivery of the four, minus the after baby cramping. I needed a stronger pain med for that. But no tearing, bleeding was pretty minimal, and she nurses like a champ. I seriously under estimated how tired I'd be. Gratefully Ross' dad got in the evening we went home and it's been a huge blessing.

She eats just about every 3 hours on the dot for an hour, sleeps for 2 hours, repeat. The first couple of night feedings I'm enthusiastic and put on Netflix, the third I'm lazy at best, and the last feeding I am pretty trashed. I'm currently in the market for a Netflix series that will get me excited to watch where each episode builds on each other so I have to keep watching to see what happens next.

Six days later and Claire loves holding Emma. Aoife is semi interested, and Tiegan has warmed up enough to acknowledge "baby" and will occasionally touch her with one finger. I can't believe it's already been almost a week! We are completely smitten and she smells just as delicious as ever. We love our little M&M!

Bed Rest Day 1.

AKA Kate's whine sesh:

It's been an insane 36 hours or so. Monday I had my injection appointment and Tuesday was the regular OB appointment. Or it was supposed to be regular. Turns out I was dilating and super soft and the nugget is way into my crotch, which we already knew, but makes for the perfect storm. I got taken off of work immediately and put on bed rest. Bed rest while doing as little as my job as "mom" would require. It was kind of a blow and an emotional day, but as the day went on I was feeling more and more optimistic. More cooking time for the nugget, an aggressive approach with steroids (which was AMAZING with Tiegan), and even closer monitoring. I'm so glad this doc is super proactive and on top of things. Plus think of all of the time I now have to watch all of the Netflix shows I've been wanting to veg on!

All yesterday I was super crampy/contractiony and was enough pain that it woke me up for a few hours last night. I figured I had an appointment at the hospital in the afternoon anyway and Aoife had a doctor appointment too that she really needed to go to, no big deal. I've been super barfy and miserable but hey, third trimester. Nobody's completely glowey and awesome at the end.We took it easy this morning, did nails, girls played outside, watched some Little Einsteins and snuggled before the afternoon of doctor appointments.

I was at the hospital for an appointment yesterday, too, so when the nurse asked how I was doing today, I was honest. She called my regular OB right away and lemme tell you, doc was not impressed. And I got put on super strict bed rest. And it's a huge blow realizing you can't even take care of your own kids. I went from super optimistic and thinking of all of the things I could do from my throne in the living room to feeling defeated and useless and inadequate and just all around stressing the F out. Like seriously, if I can't even take care of my three kids now, what am I going to do when this nugget joins the circus?

Everything hurts. I hate stairs. I hate sitting, I eat food only to barf it up a few minutes later. I haven't slept in months and probably won't sleep again until December. I couldn't waddle fast enough to catch my future track stars in the parking garage when leaving the hospital and they may or may not have ran out in front of a car and I completely blew up in said parking garage and told them not to talk the entire drive home. I cried for the entire drive home and probably freaked them out. I've had 22 shots so far this pregnancy and I'm super over it. Don't get me wrong, the shots are making a world of difference and I'm grateful she's still in there cooking and that she's also getting steroids to speed things up, but I feel like a pin cushion.

In better news: I've been having nightmares. (I promise it is actually better news.) Babe's kidneys are abnormal, which we knew from the get-go. I hadn't really thought much about it since it could mean a thousand different things, but as things got closer, I started having nightmares about it. Yesterday at the normal OB appointment I asked doc to lay it all out there just so I knew what after delivery would look like. She pulled up the latest ultrasound and said they didn't look TOO bad. She'd probably be whisked away for an ultrasound and we'd go from there but she doubts there's anything super serious to worry about. So with all of the suck of the last couple days, some good news!

My mom is jumping on a plane on Friday, and I have some really awesome people helping out until she gets here, which I'm super grateful for. I feel like a ticking bomb and I'm convinced I'm going to accidentally high-five this kid when I wipe or something. We'll just keep her in as long as possible and not send her out half baked. And I'll accept donations of Diet Coke. Or chocolate. Or play dates for my poor kids. Or suggestions of things to do so I don't go too crazy. Or just general "you're awesome and not a sucky mom" well wishes. And give Ross a pinch and tell him he's awesome, too. Cause he's handling the news and my crazy super well. He's a rock star. Bed Rest Day 1: Survived. Is it Friday yet?

The Baby Quilt.

Nobody got dressed yesterday. Well, I got dressed before work, and Tiegan changed into an adorable ladybug summer tank top and refused to put on pants, but other than that we had a lazy chill day yesterday. I decided to start on the upcoming nugget's quilt yesterday and the girls were so great at playing together and "helping" with the quilt, I accidentally did nothing else yesterday and finished it! This being the fourth round of baby quilts, I gotta say, sewing is a lot more fun the more competent you are. I didn't have any trouble with the bobbins, didn't break any needles, and no tears/curse words came out of me. I got caught up on conference, we watched movies and played Legos, and girls had a great time helping me decide which squares belonged where. It was fantastic. The quilt isn't perfect, but I love the little imperfections. And I love that the girls asked about their baby quilts and only felt minor stings when Claire complained that the new baby's blanket is better than hers. (Sorry kid. I guess that's the problem with being the oldest.)

Originally I had fallen in love with fabric at Hobby Lobby, but had to leave it to take Aoife to urgent care to get her head glued back together and after the scene I made I refuse to show my face there for a while. I ended up going to Jo-Ann's by myself one night and while a couple of the pieces I don't love AS much, I'm pretty pumped with how it turned out.

So baby girl, you have a blanket. And I'm really struggling to not set up your crib right this second and get it all ready. All she needs now is a name and an animal friend and about 10,000 headbands. But she has her blanket. Victory. Today I took the girls to each pick out an outfit for baby sister. While stressful and almost a disaster, we survived. And their selection suits their personalities. Claire went with a cat set. I was a little worried that Aoife would want a superhero costume, but she was determined to find a yellow dress in a newborn size. Tiegan was running around like a lunatic and collecting as many stuffed animals as her little arms could carry, so I chose a little sleeper for her. Tiegan will get to help Ross pick out the animal friend.

It's kind of weird getting things together. I'm going in more often for appointments with the normal doctor and still doing the injections every week, but I won't have to go to the hospital appointments that often anymore. One of the babe's kidneys was abnormal from the get-go. I love the specialist doctor. I saw her the whole time for Tiegan. The kidney issue could mean a number of different things ranging from no big deal to big deal, but there isn't a definite answer and probably won't be until she's born so doctor has helped keep a great attitude of we'll not worry until we need to. This week it turns out both kidneys are abnormal and acting up. We'll check on them again right before she's born to see if they've worked themselves out, and if not, we'll see what's going on after she's here. Other than that and settling in super low, she's great and we're excited to bring another little sister to the family! Hopefully she's tough and can handle all of the love from the three big sisters she's about to get.

Forever Families.

Last month our Loveland clan took off to West Coast for almost two weeks. February is a rough month in the mid-west and the perfect time to head to sunnier places. While warmer weather is a great getaway, and we got some much needed family time together, the main reason for our trip was to visit my grandparents in San Diego. We hadn't seen them since before we moved to Wisconsin, and I hadn't been to their house in almost nine years.

It's been a really hard week. My grandpa passed Tuesday evening after battling cancer for a little over a year. He was admitted to the hospital Thursday, and knowing it's coming really doesn't make it any easier. With family gathered so far away, Wisconsin hasn't been lonelier. But I'm so so grateful for the time we got to share with him just a few weeks ago and wouldn't trade it for the world. He was feeling pretty good and we got to do a lot of fun things and share stories and the girls, I'm sure, were shadows of 5, 4, and 2 year old me running around the house.Since we've been back every few days they bring up wanting to go to their house and visit again.

Grandpa's service is today and my aunt couldn't have said it better: "It can't go unsaid that my dad was, to say the least, was a great man! He represented many respected values such as integrity, faith, knowledge and good works. Although he grew up in poor circumstances he rose above and took charge of his destination and did great things with his life. My dad served his country with honor as a Marine Corp officer, engulfed himself in higher education earning his doctorate degree and created a loving family of 7 children. He had many accomplishments. Just to name a couple, he became a published author and a, many times over, marathon runner. But I have to say what I will remember him most for is the love he had for his family. It was unwavering."

So here's to the man that picked oranges with me, pulled me out of the deep end of the pool when I fell in, went on long walks to pick blackberries and talk, encouraged me to be smart, and taught me about heritage and family history and enjoying the simple things, like a really great piece of pie.

He had a knack for making you feel special and important. He confirmed me a member of the Church and after I was baptized he shook my hand and said, "I've never shaken the hand of a perfect person before!" He gave me a blessing before starting my first college semester and talked about integrity. He was always cheery and kind and generous. I can't say enough about how great he was or how much he'll be missed.

Easter was timely this year. Despite Easter's great message, Sunday was impossible for me to sit through. Ross is a nursery leader, so he cares for the 2-3 year olds during Sunday school. I ended up hiding in his class since I couldn't keep myself together and helped with the kids when I could. It gave me a lot to think about this week and this video summed it up pretty well. I'm grateful for forever families.

Another Round of Whole30.

Here we go again. I did my first Whole30 Feb of last year. It was hard and amazing and I learned a ton. I learned that I am an emotional eater. Specifically a stress eater. I got the best sleep I've ever had in my entire life, even better than when I was on sleep medications. I felt awesome about myself and had incredible energy and cooked some amazing food.

I get horrid morning all day sickness when pregnant. Earlier in this pregnancy I wanted to do another round and lasted I think 3 or 4 days before I decided to call it quits until I had better control of my stomach. Finally, at 6 months pregnant, I only almost throw up when changing diapers or someone's cooking eggs in the kitchen. Or eating eggs. Anything egg really should be banned from the house, but they're staples in Ross' diet.

Tiegan came into this world au natural. It was a fantastic labor and I loved being able to get up and go to the bathroom by myself and take a hot shower right after vs. not being able to move or feel your legs or rear for hours after giving birth. I still remember it vividly and have been really on the fence about what kind of labor experience I want this time. All natural was fantastic, but I remember shooting Ross "I hate you looks" and that holy ring of fire business. The good news is, once that new babe is out, it's over! I'm leaning towards natural again and I really wanted to see how eating a Whole diet would affect labor, delivery, recovery, my energy/mood in the last couple months leading up to having a new babe, sleep before new babe (which is notorious for being AWFUL), new babe's health, maybe it'll affect not having a preterm baby for once... all kinds of things running through my mind. That's where this round of Whole30 comes in and may or may not go until I'm in the hospital with a squishy new baby and a menu of hospital food a phone call away.

Two days ago marks one month that I actually gave up soda (my beloved Diet Coke and all other sodas). I decided to drop the pop before starting this round and it's made all of the difference. Tomorrow will be Whole30 day 7 for me and this first week is night and day different from my first round. I got to skip the hang over phase, the exhausted phase, the kill everything and everyone phase, and have been feeling pretty fantastic. The last couple nights I've gotten some better sleep than I have in a while. I'm playing with the girls and going on outings and keeping up with the crazy busy schedule. (Working (preggo) mom with 2-3 doctor appointments/week and a kid in school)

Though, I'm not sure what's worse: Early pregnancy cravings or mid Whole30 cravings. I've fallen asleep thinking about gooey hot chocolate chip cookies and French Toast smeared with syrup a couple times. But the difference between early pregnancy cravings and mid Whole30 cravings is I know I'm not going to throw up if I put something other than those chocolate chip cookies or french toast in my mouth. Early pregnancy, when I thought of something like that, nothing else would stay down. 

So tomorrow is one week in and here's what we've been eating. We eat the same thing for breakfast every single day. Makes life a million times easier. (And true love is your husband waking up an hour before you to get things done and have the children happy and fed and going AND also cook your bacon for you so it's ready when you roll out of bed.)

Also, side note, here's what I love about Whole30 food: It is beautiful. And filling. And recipes make a TON. Enough that Ross and I can both eat leftovers for lunch and sometimes STILL have leftovers for evening snacks.

BREAKFAST:
Bacon (you guys, Costco has COMPLIANT bacon!! #eatallthebacon)
Fresh Pineapple, Cantaloupe, Grapefruit, or any combo of the 3
Sugar Snap Peas, maybe some spinach, too.

LUNCH: 
Originally I had planned on an awesome Southwest Meatloaf, but all of our dinners have made TONS of leftovers and that's been easy. For the days that I packed the girls lunches and we went to the park or zoo, I packed myself a loaded salad, some fruit and veggies to snack on, and a Larabar.

DINNERS:
Shepherd's Pie with some raw fresh veggies on the side. (I think we might have had cantaloupe, too.)

LOADED Taco Salad (The natural/organic section usually has compliant taco seasoning that's to die for)

Sausages and German Potato Salad

Steaks with Asparagus grilled with some GORGEOUS assorted baby tomatoes and garlic, fresh pineapple, and leftover potato salad (I'm not a food photographer, but I wish I was because the asparagus dish was beautiful with all of the tomato colors and they were AMAZING.)

The best Chili ever

That Southwest Meatloaf I was talking about earlier with salad and sliced strawberries


Now I get to start planning the menu for Week 2! Any Whole30 veterans, I always love new recipes! (Seriously, what did we do before Pinterest?) My 1st round all of the recipes were elaborate and while great, I'm enjoying the simplicity. The meals this week took some time in the kitchen, but overall super simple.