"Cause Females are strong as Hell"

That was my motto and reassurance toward the end of pregnancy. I discovered it right after being put on bed rest. I watched both seasons of Kimmy Schmidt in two days. #bedrestchampion And that's where my survival mantra came from.

I bring it up because today I'm relying on it again. Yesterday was Emma's kidney testing and today the results are in. Turns out not only do I try to kick these babies out half-baked, I also make mutant babies.

One kidney has an extra pelvis, apparently it's a part of the kidney and not just a bone. The other kidney has an extra drainey thingy. And those extra's aren't supposed to be there. Neither kidney is doing what they're supposed to and that's why they're so big.

Tomorrow we're doing another test to see just how much these unwelcome additions are affecting kidney function. Depending on the results she will either need surgery, or will be closely monitored for life with a possibility of surgery down the road. Either way she's being referred to an emergency pediatric urologist. I'm not sure what the difference is between an emergency urologist and a normal urologist. Maybe it just sounds more official. I wonder if that title is actually on the business card.

It's super awesome finally knowing what's up with this love nugget's kidneys and have some answers! She'll be on the antibiotic for a long while and we need to be extra careful to make sure she doesn't get any infections. Her mutant kidneys might not be able to handle it.

But it's not all bad. She's gaining weight like a champ and is already a half pound bigger than birth weight, good news!

I've also been binge watching Fixer Upper during late night feedings. And in one of the early episodes Joanna Gaines makes a gorgeous wall sign with a fantastic quote.

Obviously, this isn't the wall sign she had made.

I love it. And I think about it every morning when the sun comes up and I've only had three hours of sleep. Having four kids five and under can be overwhelming, but reminding myself that it's a good day makes all the difference. I've taken all the girls to the zoo, hiking, shopping. By myself. And it's been awesome because every day it's a good day to have a good day. Also, females are strong as Hell.

Everyone Loves a Good Birth Story.

This was almost the longest I'd ever stayed pregnant. Almost. And I am a terrible pregnant person. At my 37 week appointment, I was sitting at 6 cm dilated. Before that I had been waltzing around at 5. Doc really didn't think I'd make it through the weekend, which would have worked out since it was her weekend on call at the hospital. She told me to not even call L&D to ask if I should go in, but to go as soon as I thought something *might* be happening. With Tiegan, I went from a 7 to holding a baby in 20-25 minutes so an unplanned home birth was a serious concern.

 The weekend came and went with no baby. When my 38 week appointment came around, we were all shocked. Claire was born just shy of 39 weeks and here I was at 38 weeks, 2 days. Nothing had changed, and because I wasn't 39 weeks doc couldn't do anything to get things rolling. She was on call at the hospital again the following Monday, so we scheduled a membrane sweep for Monday morning. After, she'd put me on the monitors and if I was contracting at all, she'd just admit me. I was having contractions what felt like ALL the time, so we were pretty much guaranteed a baby on Monday. Doc joked that of course now that we scheduled it, babe would probably make her debut before then.

That night, Ross and I did the usual: Netflix and Skip-bo with apple slices and cheese before bed. I made my 10,000 bathroom trips through the night, but sometime between 1 and 3 AM things were just feeling a little wet. I drink 7-9 liters of water a day and this nugget had been at 0 station for a few weeks, so I slept with a shirt between my legs (too lazy to get up and grab a towel) and didn't think much of it.

Every morning, I huff and puff and roll out of bed and head downstairs. The girls wake up before the sun and watch cartoons, Ross gets up at 6:15, and I show up a little after 7:00. I grab a diet coke from the fridge to put the nausea at bay and sit on my living room throne for a while. Ross heads off to work at 7:30 and the girls and I enjoy a lazy few minutes before the cleaning party begins. After Ross left, I got up to go to the bathroom for the 50th time that morning and noticed a huge wet spot on my pants. I decided to change and see if it happened again and resumed my place on the couch. While sitting there were a few more gushes. I still wasn't convinced I wasn't just peeing myself.

This whole pregnancy with the serious cramps and contractions I have been determined to not show up at L&D unless I'd be leaving with a baby. There were many nights I'd be gritting my teeth and grimacing in pain and Ross would kindly suggest I go in. I'd glare and grunt that I refused to go in unless a baby was hanging halfway out. (I'm a really kind pregnant person. Ross deserves a medal.)

I said a quick prayer that I'd know if things were happening and that I'd know when to go in. And I seriously hoped I could get out of my own stupid head to feel any promptings. I was going to go start the cleaning party and work on the kitchen but really felt like I should go sit down again. Right when I sat down I had a couple bigger gushes and knew it was go time. Ross headed home and I arranged for girls to go to a friend's house. (Seriously, so blessed to text someone and say hey, can my kids come over like right now?! and have them say yes.) Bags were mostly packed, but I gathered the rest while waiting for Ross to come home.

Usually I'm the driver, but with contractions picking up I had Ross drive while I sat on my towel and gushed all the way to the hospital. The walk to L&D from the parking garage is seriously long. I guess it makes you question whether you REALLY want to get checked out. I looked like I had peed my pants, and since I hadn't gotten ready for the day, I looked pretty homeless too. I tried to waddle with my knees together to contain the gushing and had to stop every now and then for contractions. I'm sure I was quite the sight.

We got admitted around 10 to test for fluid and get monitored. I was at a 6-6.5 and really stretchy and sure enough water had broken. Ross was pretty pumped, there were 3 soccer matches on that day. Thank you, Copa America. I was undecided on pain meds so I decided to wait and see. We got set up in our room around 11, and since this nugget wasn't preterm, I didn't have to be hooked up to monitors the whole time! Yahoo! I did have an IV with antibiotics and fluid, but I was able to walk around and use the IV cart as a walking stick.

The dr on call came in to say hi and chat for a bit. When talking about pain management, he said if I wanted to go med free, great, but they don't hand out blue ribbons and if I wanted an epidural, that was okay too and probably the sooner the better because when I really hit active labor, it'd go really fast. I felt like an idiot for not knowing what I wanted to do. The contractions weren't that bad yet, and there were definitely things about Tiegan's med-free birth that I loved, just not the 20 minutes where I wanted to die. I opted to just wait it out and they had everything for an epidural set up and ready so if/when I decided I wanted it they could get it in fast.  While dr was talking with me, he was definitely checking out the soccer game going on.

The nurse suggested I walk around and see if that would get things going. I just walked laps around the room and sipped on apple juice. Ross asked if I was leaning towards med-free again and I said yes. I think I pooed 5 times and was seriously concerned about ruining my perfect not pooping on the table record. And then things picked up. Within 5 minutes of saying I was thinking med-free I was wanting to die and told the nurse ASAP that I was tapping out and wanting the epidural. We had decided earlier on that if/when I wanted it they wouldn't recheck me unless I was feeling pushy and that I could get the epidural. There wasn't any harm in waiting to push, so if I *was* ready to push, I could still get the epidural and hold off.

They called the anesthesiologist and I'm so grateful they had everything already set up and ready to go. He walked in and I said "I think you're my new best friend!" He asked how I was doing and I said, "Probably about how it looks." At that point, I was feeling tons of pressure and in serious pain and not really liking Ross. (Poor guy.)

I was a hard target for the anesthesiologist and he was awesome. Contractions were coming more frequently and the pressure made it hard to sit. The nurse told me I was doing awesome to which I asked if she'd ever told someone they suck at this. (No, she hadn't, but promised I was actually awesome.) I threw up while the anesthesiologist was trying to go, and the vomiting had me gushing a ton. I apologized to the nurse and asked if I had barfed on anyone. She said I had great aim and everything got in the bag. I noticed a wet spot on the bed and apologized for that too, and she said it was from the washcloths and I was sitting in my own puddle. (I'm really funny when I'm in labor.) A few more contractions and the anesthesiologist was done! Once it started to kick in and I got relief from the pressure, I told the anesthesiologist how fantastic my crotch felt.

I got situated in the bed and placed on the monitors. The nurse thought I was probably ready to push, but said she'd let me just enjoy the relief for a while and then check me. 20 minutes later she came in to check and I was almost there, but not quite. She helped me roll on my side and 5 minutes later I was feeling lots of pressure. Sure enough, babe was right there and ready!

This was the first time having a male deliver. And there were definitely some differences, like checking on the soccer match while chatting with me. During the actual delivery, he didn't even put on gloves until she was coming out. I kind of really liked him. He was super low key and calm and relaxed about the whole thing.

We pushed in sets of 3. Since I was nice and numb, it was such a different experience from last time. No screaming at all. I made a comment and joked with the doctor about it. At one point between pushing sets I had Ross, the doctor, and 2 nurses just sitting waiting for the next contraction. It was silent so I said, "Sorry guys, y'all are staring at my crotch, but it's kind of a waiting game." It was just weird to not be in pain and between pushing with everyone just waiting.

It's been an emotional pregnancy. I mean, the hormones make it worse, but I feel like I cried ALL the time. With the kidney concerns from the get-go and no answers, and later in the pregnancy wondering if I could really handle 4 littles when it felt like I barely had my routine with the three. Her kidney could be any number of things. I had a high risk of down syndrome, but declined the testing since it increases the risk for preterm delivery and I'm already such a high risk. The last ultrasound at 34 weeks, we couldn't get a great picture of her nose/mouth and it looked a little funky. I was worried I'd reject this nugget. I didn't feel SUPER connected like I had with the other three. The last month or so, I knew I wanted her out, but I wasn't so sure I wanted 4 kids. I was pretty much feeling like mother of the year. The theme song from Unbreakable of Kimmy Schmidt, the part that says, "Cause females are strong as hell" has been my mantra for the past couple of months.

She came out in just 3 or 4 sets of 3 pushes. Super fast. They had me watch when it was super close.  I felt the pop of her head and said, "Woah! That's a big head!" Everyone laughed and doc goes, "uhh actually, that's a pretty normal head." This hospital does delayed cord clamping and an hour of skin to skin time before they even measure her. And we fell in love right away. Ross hung out for a while before going to get the big sisters.

After the hour, the nurse took her and took her stats. After, she helped me get cleaned up and situated before moving to our room upstairs.We snuggled and I just breathed in that intoxicating new baby smell until the big sisters showed up. Earlier, Ross and I had picked out some Best Sisters Forever necklace lockets for the older girls from the baby. I wanted them to know that they are special and important too with all of the new changes to our family. And I'm super grateful we found one that was a set of 3. Tiegan came running in squealing "Mommy!" which makes my heart melt. The older two were pretty interested in the baby at first before discovering the free juice and crackers. Tiegan was wanting to jump on the bed while I protected my IV arm and Emma from the psycho toddler. They stayed to watch Emma get her first bath before heading home for the night.

The next day she got checked out by our pediatrician. The sisters had come back for a visit and we were hanging out in the family lounge. He said hi to everyone and talked to the girls and just checked her out right there. He wasn't even supposed to be working, he was headed out of town for a long weekend, but since he had been expecting her arrival for a couple of months, he wanted to check her out on his way out. (Seriously, if I have one skill, it's picking amazing pediatricians. And he was pretty amazed she stayed cooking for as long as she did.) He chatted with me for a while about her kidney and made sure I knew everything about the game plan and didn't have any questions before taking off for vacation.

Overall this was the best delivery of the four, minus the after baby cramping. I needed a stronger pain med for that. But no tearing, bleeding was pretty minimal, and she nurses like a champ. I seriously under estimated how tired I'd be. Gratefully Ross' dad got in the evening we went home and it's been a huge blessing.

She eats just about every 3 hours on the dot for an hour, sleeps for 2 hours, repeat. The first couple of night feedings I'm enthusiastic and put on Netflix, the third I'm lazy at best, and the last feeding I am pretty trashed. I'm currently in the market for a Netflix series that will get me excited to watch where each episode builds on each other so I have to keep watching to see what happens next.

Six days later and Claire loves holding Emma. Aoife is semi interested, and Tiegan has warmed up enough to acknowledge "baby" and will occasionally touch her with one finger. I can't believe it's already been almost a week! We are completely smitten and she smells just as delicious as ever. We love our little M&M!