I have a secret. I love politics. And election season. I love these two things so passionately for a number of reasons.
Election season makes people dig deep and figure out who they are and what they believe. And the really brave ones put these beliefs with their names attached on the internet. I love the self-confidence these people have.
Politics can bring about intelligent conversation. I love that politics get people talking about important things. I love that these conversations are happening. I love that people have different views, and I especially love having these conversations with people who don't share my views. I learn a lot. I appreciate the differences because these people are aware of and passionate about people, things, situations, and circumstances that maybe I'm ignorant of.
Recently a friend posted a meme. A pretty controversial meme. And it was done so beautifully, it needs to be talked about. You really can't post something political on social media with the conditions of, "don't comment if you don't agree or I'll delete you" or "don't comment at all". That drives me crazy. But this friend put a lot of thought into posting before she did, and she lives her life in such a way that those who did disagree felt safe to say so and express that they were a little hurt by the posting. (Politics are full of emotion. And they should be.)
-Now here's where it gets good.-
This friend addressed every single person and concern, and did so in an amazing way. She let every person, one on one, know that she valued them. They were important. Their thoughts were important. Those friendships and relationships were important. Real conversation and discussion was allowed to take place with specific articles and information. Just about every post began with, "I see what you said, and here's what I have to add to that". It was beautiful.
Unfortunately, so rarely do conversations unfold the way this particular one did. I love that we can be bold and share things online so easily. With everything ramping up, keep in mind that people are important. Their opinions and thoughts do matter. But by all means: Be bold, but be kind.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Monday, September 26, 2016
The Lovelands do The Dells.
We've had a lot going on in our family lately and when I'm off, everyone's off. A quick family getaway was long overdue. we really just needed some actual family time away from distractions and chaos. I was scoping out things for our family to do. Museums, Aquarium, Zoo... but then I remembered a theme park not too far away often had deals. Turns out for $50 we could have a room with 2 queens plus a bunk bed and two days at the park for a whopping $50. SOLD. This past weekend it happened. And it was glorious and just what we needed.
I spent a couple days prepping with cleaning, grocery shopping, packing, and planning. It's the Type-A in me. And I'm not even ashamed. I'm a control freak. Ross handles it perfectly. Everyone should give him a pinch and tell him he's fantastic. Ross got home, we threw everyone in the car and ate sandwiches on the way and it was great.
We got all checked in and settled in our room. And immediately the fighting over who was the blessed child that got to sleep on the top bunk commenced. We diverted by reminding them about the water park awaiting them.
We've been to this park only once before, when we first moved here almost 4 years ago, but we didn't stay the night. They have a great little kid's area with a pirate ship and little slides and some 'splash paddy' things. Perfect for kiddos. I was looking forward to taking them down the big water slides and before we arrived they were excited about it, too. But then they got distracted by the kids area. Neither of the girls wanted to go down the big slides that you ride tubes down. So being the great parent I am, I grabbed Tiegan and hauled her kicking and screaming up the 10,042 stairs in one arm and our tube in the other. There's no way I was the first parent to do such a thing. The lifeguard gladly pulled our tube from the waiting area to the opening of the slide with my clearly abused 2 year old in tears as we started down.
We made our way back to Ross and the older girls where she told Ross she did it and lied through her teeth when she said it was fun. We didn't make her go again, but after she did it the older two were interested and took turns going down with either me or Ross while the other authority figure held Emms and watched the other kids play.
Emma was fantastic. She was bug eyed the entire almost two hours and just enjoyed sitting in the water with whomever was holding her. She was silent and content and my little dream baby. The second we put her in her car seat she was out. It was magical. We played for almost two hours before heading to our room for second dinner and bed.
Once the girls were reminded of our room and the single top bunk the blessed child debate commenced. Claire ended up winning because she cried the least. Aoife cried more upon hearing the verdict. It didn't help her case.
Claire said our family prayer before bed and added in, "And please help me go on roller coasters..." It took the girls a while to fall asleep. Claire was on the top bunk with Aoife on the bottom. Emma and I were in one bed for a while until I called room service to have a pack and play brought over. And Tiegan and Ross snuggled. At one point, Tiegan was laying in bed in the dark singing primary songs to herself. Claire sat up and got really angry. (She gets it from me.) There were giggles and tears and eventually all four children were sleep.
Claire talks in her sleep. And it's hilarious. Except she was having water slide nightmares. "No, Dad. No. PLEASE!!!" We know her dreams were about water slides and not another form of torture because of other things she said, but I'm grateful she was dreaming that she was going down them with Ross and not me.
The parks don't open until 10 AM. Which is great for lazy mornings, but it's a long morning with little excited children. I walked the halls with the girls while Ross watched soccer and Emma napped. We got everything repacked and into the car and headed out for the day.
The roller coasters are right by the entrance. Which is great. We threw Claire on one before she could even second guess it. Going to theme parks in the off season is fantastic. There weren't really lines for anything. Claire went on the roller coaster with me. And she had a blast. When the ride pulled back up, the attendant asked if we wanted to go again, so we got to go for another round without even getting off.
Most of the little kid rides weren't open, which was a huge bummer for Tiegan and Aoife. We found a smaller roller coaster that Aoife could go on and she and Claire rode together too many times to count. Tiegan could go on go karts with an adult, so Ross and I switched off with Tiegan while the other sisters rode the roller coaster together and the other adult hung out with the stroller.
Then Claire wanted to go on this swing ride. It went up stupid high and spun around. Ross doesn't do heights and argued that it was my turn to go on a ride anyway. So I went. Normally I love rides and have no fear. However, in the past my life was not dependent on a chair with no sides, hanging by only four chains. We went up. And it was windy. And we started spinning. Claire giggled the entire time and said "This isn't even scary!" While I said my farewells and prayed the chains were stronger than the wind. We came down and Ross laughed at me and I vowed to never go on that ride ever again.
At the car we had lunch before checking out the indoor rides. Tiegan could go on all of these and I'm so grateful we checked them out. It was the best time watching her squeal and grin and go on ride after ride after ride. I guess that's when you hit official parent status: when a vacation is great when you see your kids having the best time. She was so funny, though she did not like the bumper cars. tea cups, hot air balloons, planes, and swings that you would not die from if you fell off. Maybe mildly injured, but still alive. It was a blast. We spent another couple of hours there before grabbing a snack and finishing up at the water park again.
It was a lot more crowded than the night before, and the girls weren't terribly interested in the tube slides. We each went down once, but spent most of the time in the kid area. I'm not sure what the best part was. The girls giggling going down slides, Aoife shamelessly picking wedgies after slides, Claire being a mermaid, Tiegan just prancing around and splashing, it was awesome. And we were exhausted.
Once we got back home, Ross unloaded everything while I pumped and had a quiet minute to myself. Emma was still asleep in her car seat, the older girls watched a movie. We lit a fire and enjoyed for a while. Emma went down at 6 and didn't wake up again until 7:30 the next morning. The other girls went down a little before 7, I crashed at 8, Ross read by the fire until late, and it was amazing.
We were only gone for 25 hours, but it was so great to have so much time together, having fun and taking a break from everything going on. Now we're back to Monday and back to reality. Ross is leaving Wednesday for his grandfather's funeral and I'll be solo parenting until late Monday night. Everyone wish me luck.
I spent a couple days prepping with cleaning, grocery shopping, packing, and planning. It's the Type-A in me. And I'm not even ashamed. I'm a control freak. Ross handles it perfectly. Everyone should give him a pinch and tell him he's fantastic. Ross got home, we threw everyone in the car and ate sandwiches on the way and it was great.
We got all checked in and settled in our room. And immediately the fighting over who was the blessed child that got to sleep on the top bunk commenced. We diverted by reminding them about the water park awaiting them.
We've been to this park only once before, when we first moved here almost 4 years ago, but we didn't stay the night. They have a great little kid's area with a pirate ship and little slides and some 'splash paddy' things. Perfect for kiddos. I was looking forward to taking them down the big water slides and before we arrived they were excited about it, too. But then they got distracted by the kids area. Neither of the girls wanted to go down the big slides that you ride tubes down. So being the great parent I am, I grabbed Tiegan and hauled her kicking and screaming up the 10,042 stairs in one arm and our tube in the other. There's no way I was the first parent to do such a thing. The lifeguard gladly pulled our tube from the waiting area to the opening of the slide with my clearly abused 2 year old in tears as we started down.
We made our way back to Ross and the older girls where she told Ross she did it and lied through her teeth when she said it was fun. We didn't make her go again, but after she did it the older two were interested and took turns going down with either me or Ross while the other authority figure held Emms and watched the other kids play.
Emma was fantastic. She was bug eyed the entire almost two hours and just enjoyed sitting in the water with whomever was holding her. She was silent and content and my little dream baby. The second we put her in her car seat she was out. It was magical. We played for almost two hours before heading to our room for second dinner and bed.
Once the girls were reminded of our room and the single top bunk the blessed child debate commenced. Claire ended up winning because she cried the least. Aoife cried more upon hearing the verdict. It didn't help her case.
Claire said our family prayer before bed and added in, "And please help me go on roller coasters..." It took the girls a while to fall asleep. Claire was on the top bunk with Aoife on the bottom. Emma and I were in one bed for a while until I called room service to have a pack and play brought over. And Tiegan and Ross snuggled. At one point, Tiegan was laying in bed in the dark singing primary songs to herself. Claire sat up and got really angry. (She gets it from me.) There were giggles and tears and eventually all four children were sleep.
Claire talks in her sleep. And it's hilarious. Except she was having water slide nightmares. "No, Dad. No. PLEASE!!!" We know her dreams were about water slides and not another form of torture because of other things she said, but I'm grateful she was dreaming that she was going down them with Ross and not me.
The parks don't open until 10 AM. Which is great for lazy mornings, but it's a long morning with little excited children. I walked the halls with the girls while Ross watched soccer and Emma napped. We got everything repacked and into the car and headed out for the day.
The roller coasters are right by the entrance. Which is great. We threw Claire on one before she could even second guess it. Going to theme parks in the off season is fantastic. There weren't really lines for anything. Claire went on the roller coaster with me. And she had a blast. When the ride pulled back up, the attendant asked if we wanted to go again, so we got to go for another round without even getting off.
Most of the little kid rides weren't open, which was a huge bummer for Tiegan and Aoife. We found a smaller roller coaster that Aoife could go on and she and Claire rode together too many times to count. Tiegan could go on go karts with an adult, so Ross and I switched off with Tiegan while the other sisters rode the roller coaster together and the other adult hung out with the stroller.
Then Claire wanted to go on this swing ride. It went up stupid high and spun around. Ross doesn't do heights and argued that it was my turn to go on a ride anyway. So I went. Normally I love rides and have no fear. However, in the past my life was not dependent on a chair with no sides, hanging by only four chains. We went up. And it was windy. And we started spinning. Claire giggled the entire time and said "This isn't even scary!" While I said my farewells and prayed the chains were stronger than the wind. We came down and Ross laughed at me and I vowed to never go on that ride ever again.
At the car we had lunch before checking out the indoor rides. Tiegan could go on all of these and I'm so grateful we checked them out. It was the best time watching her squeal and grin and go on ride after ride after ride. I guess that's when you hit official parent status: when a vacation is great when you see your kids having the best time. She was so funny, though she did not like the bumper cars. tea cups, hot air balloons, planes, and swings that you would not die from if you fell off. Maybe mildly injured, but still alive. It was a blast. We spent another couple of hours there before grabbing a snack and finishing up at the water park again.
It was a lot more crowded than the night before, and the girls weren't terribly interested in the tube slides. We each went down once, but spent most of the time in the kid area. I'm not sure what the best part was. The girls giggling going down slides, Aoife shamelessly picking wedgies after slides, Claire being a mermaid, Tiegan just prancing around and splashing, it was awesome. And we were exhausted.
Once we got back home, Ross unloaded everything while I pumped and had a quiet minute to myself. Emma was still asleep in her car seat, the older girls watched a movie. We lit a fire and enjoyed for a while. Emma went down at 6 and didn't wake up again until 7:30 the next morning. The other girls went down a little before 7, I crashed at 8, Ross read by the fire until late, and it was amazing.
We were only gone for 25 hours, but it was so great to have so much time together, having fun and taking a break from everything going on. Now we're back to Monday and back to reality. Ross is leaving Wednesday for his grandfather's funeral and I'll be solo parenting until late Monday night. Everyone wish me luck.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Three Months.
There's a lot I want to say, and I'm going to cram it all into one post and hopefully tie it all together. Emma turned three months old last week. Let me tell ya, that month 3 was rough on everyone. But last week a magic switch was flipped and she sleeps through the night more consistently. And we didn't even sleep train her. She's a dream baby until about 2:00, usually when I have to wake her to get ready to pick up Claire from school. I love living close enough to the school to walk, but it would be amazing if a bus came and picked her up and dropped her off so naps wouldn't be disrupted.
It takes some work to get Emma to sleep for the night, but gratefully it's happening earlier, like, around 9 or 10. And then I'm home free until about 7ish. Maybe. And she doesn't cry all the time anymore. At 2 months I was losing my mind. If she was awake, she was crying. Inconsolable. And she was awake all of the time. Doc reassured that within the next month she'd figure it out and we would survive. And he was right. She smiles a lot. She's content to just play on her mat. She rolls all over the place. And she sleeps. In her crib. Life just got so much better.
On the flip side, it's been three months and I'm having some postpartum complications and my abs are still split below my belly button. They're coming together, but four kids in five and a half years has put my body through the ringer. I had some tests done last week and will hopefully have some answers this week.
I feel like I've wasted the last three months worrying about my body. And food. Breastfeeding makes me want all the carbs all the time. And for the first couple of months, I probably needed them. Next baby, if there is a next time, I'm just going to snuggle and soak up that fourth trimester rather than waste it hating myself. The past three months have been a total blur. I feel like I haven't been an awesome mom and I know I haven't been the most awesome wife. I decided we needed a little getaway and booked us a weekend in the city of roller coasters and water slides. I was checking out different things to do in Milwaukee since we haven't really been anywhere except the airport there, but hotel and two days at the theme park for everyone for $50 won. This Friday after work the Loveland's are headed to the Dells.
Problem is my swim suits are from Victoria's Secret and not intended for postpartum bodies. Last week Aoife and I went on a date and she helped me find a swim suit. I highly recommend bringing a four year old swim suit shopping. First off- her selection. While I appreciate her help, girlfriend was grabbing the most hideous suits because of the colors. It was fantastic. My fault for going shopping when swim season is over, but the selection was minimal. While trying them on, Aoife beamed and glowed and told me how beautiful I was with every suit.
I've always made a point to not body shame myself in front of the girls. I want them to love their bodies and have the confidence I've never had. We always talk about what their bodies can do and how strong they are rather than whatever shape or size they are. They love to work out with us, but because they think it's fun and know exercise is important. They're always talking about how big and strong they're getting or how fast they are and it's fantastic. Hopefully I can do my job as a mom well enough that they never lose that.
I'm really glad I decided to take Aoife shopping with me. Because if she wasn't there. I probably would have hid in the dressing room and cried, but instead I buckled down and bought a swim suit. I don't love it, but I'm really excited to take these babies down water slides and swim and play with them. Later in the car Aoife said, "Mom, I saw a really pretty girl, but you were more prettier than she was." It's pretty awesome when you kid thinks you are the prettiest thing on the planet. (I won't let it get to my head, promise. And I'm working on everyone being beautiful. And I'm sure later I'll tackle being pretty isn't everything and there are other great qualities to strive for, but for now let me enjoy her calling me pretty.) For whatever reason, my four year old telling me I'm beautiful and "more prettier" than whatever girl she saw hits home more than Ross telling me the same thing.
I think I'm getting the most out of our family theme, "The Joy of Trying Again", than anyone else. Probably because I'm falling short on so many levels, but I'm really looking forward to some family time just having fun this weekend. I think we could all use it. With a new week, and a new month coming up, there are so many opportunities to do and be better. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a new day, a little sleep, and caffeine.
It takes some work to get Emma to sleep for the night, but gratefully it's happening earlier, like, around 9 or 10. And then I'm home free until about 7ish. Maybe. And she doesn't cry all the time anymore. At 2 months I was losing my mind. If she was awake, she was crying. Inconsolable. And she was awake all of the time. Doc reassured that within the next month she'd figure it out and we would survive. And he was right. She smiles a lot. She's content to just play on her mat. She rolls all over the place. And she sleeps. In her crib. Life just got so much better.
On the flip side, it's been three months and I'm having some postpartum complications and my abs are still split below my belly button. They're coming together, but four kids in five and a half years has put my body through the ringer. I had some tests done last week and will hopefully have some answers this week.
I feel like I've wasted the last three months worrying about my body. And food. Breastfeeding makes me want all the carbs all the time. And for the first couple of months, I probably needed them. Next baby, if there is a next time, I'm just going to snuggle and soak up that fourth trimester rather than waste it hating myself. The past three months have been a total blur. I feel like I haven't been an awesome mom and I know I haven't been the most awesome wife. I decided we needed a little getaway and booked us a weekend in the city of roller coasters and water slides. I was checking out different things to do in Milwaukee since we haven't really been anywhere except the airport there, but hotel and two days at the theme park for everyone for $50 won. This Friday after work the Loveland's are headed to the Dells.
Problem is my swim suits are from Victoria's Secret and not intended for postpartum bodies. Last week Aoife and I went on a date and she helped me find a swim suit. I highly recommend bringing a four year old swim suit shopping. First off- her selection. While I appreciate her help, girlfriend was grabbing the most hideous suits because of the colors. It was fantastic. My fault for going shopping when swim season is over, but the selection was minimal. While trying them on, Aoife beamed and glowed and told me how beautiful I was with every suit.
I've always made a point to not body shame myself in front of the girls. I want them to love their bodies and have the confidence I've never had. We always talk about what their bodies can do and how strong they are rather than whatever shape or size they are. They love to work out with us, but because they think it's fun and know exercise is important. They're always talking about how big and strong they're getting or how fast they are and it's fantastic. Hopefully I can do my job as a mom well enough that they never lose that.
I'm really glad I decided to take Aoife shopping with me. Because if she wasn't there. I probably would have hid in the dressing room and cried, but instead I buckled down and bought a swim suit. I don't love it, but I'm really excited to take these babies down water slides and swim and play with them. Later in the car Aoife said, "Mom, I saw a really pretty girl, but you were more prettier than she was." It's pretty awesome when you kid thinks you are the prettiest thing on the planet. (I won't let it get to my head, promise. And I'm working on everyone being beautiful. And I'm sure later I'll tackle being pretty isn't everything and there are other great qualities to strive for, but for now let me enjoy her calling me pretty.) For whatever reason, my four year old telling me I'm beautiful and "more prettier" than whatever girl she saw hits home more than Ross telling me the same thing.
I think I'm getting the most out of our family theme, "The Joy of Trying Again", than anyone else. Probably because I'm falling short on so many levels, but I'm really looking forward to some family time just having fun this weekend. I think we could all use it. With a new week, and a new month coming up, there are so many opportunities to do and be better. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a new day, a little sleep, and caffeine.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Kindergarten Day 3.
I was really surprised when school started before Labor Day. In Oregon, it always started after. It was actually really nice to get a taste of school and routines before the holiday weekend. And it was an awesome weekend. With Claire in school and me working a couple nights a week, I really look forward to weekend time with the family. This weekend was filled with farmer's markets, walks scoping out garage sales, the outlet mall, and of course, ice cream cones. It was an insane busy weekend, but so great.
Monday night I was laying in bed a little sad that the weekend was over and in the morning we'd back back to the "normal" routine. (I still don't know what that even is.) Claire would be back to school, this time without early release which she had all last week. I was bummed she wouldn't be around all day.
Then morning came and I had three, maybe four hours of sleep and I couldn't get her backpack and shoes on her fast enough.
I think she likes it. I mean, mornings are crazy here but we talk up school and help her get excited for the day. Day 2 Aoife wanted to go to school and we had to have a little chat. Day 3 (yesterday) Tiegan howled and screamed and cried when Ross went to take Claire to school and left Tiegan standing by the door all dressed for school in her t-shirt, diaper, and Elmo slippers. School is pretty cool and the sisters want to go, too.
I picked Claire up yesterday and she was frustrated that they do the same thing in Kindergarten every day. She brought back a sheet with the alphabet on it and said it was for her to learn her letters, but since she already knew them and that Aoife could have it. Aoife knows it, so Tiegan inherited the piece of paper.
We talked about the other things she did during the school day: what she had for lunch, what she did in gym class, and what kind of math she's doing, and then I asked about her friends and we got to the juicy stuff.
One girl in her class was naughty and went into the yellow zone on her color coded behavior chart. (I guess yellow is bad, but not as bad as red. If you're in blue, it's a good thing, and when you get to purple you get a prize. Green is neutral.) I asked where she was on the chart. She said she's not even on the chart. I have no clue what that means. Let's all hope she's Switzerland.
And then she went on--
"Well Natalia loves this boy, I don't know his name, and me and Mason are trying to break them up. It didn't happen today, so we're going to try again tomorrow. Because Natalia and him are in love and she's just a kid so it's NOT okay."
-So, uh, you and Mason are just friends too right? (I felt like it was my duty to Ross to make sure our daughter, who is playing homewrecker, wasn't also "in love" with someone in Kindergarten.)
After more questions I discovered that neither Natalia or this Mason kid are even in her class. News travels fast, folks. And it starts in Kindergarten. We might have to have a talk on gossiping, but for now I'm celebrating that she's not in love with anyone.
Today is Day 4 and I'm looking forward to picking up Claire and hearing if her "break up plan" was successful.
Monday night I was laying in bed a little sad that the weekend was over and in the morning we'd back back to the "normal" routine. (I still don't know what that even is.) Claire would be back to school, this time without early release which she had all last week. I was bummed she wouldn't be around all day.
Then morning came and I had three, maybe four hours of sleep and I couldn't get her backpack and shoes on her fast enough.
I think she likes it. I mean, mornings are crazy here but we talk up school and help her get excited for the day. Day 2 Aoife wanted to go to school and we had to have a little chat. Day 3 (yesterday) Tiegan howled and screamed and cried when Ross went to take Claire to school and left Tiegan standing by the door all dressed for school in her t-shirt, diaper, and Elmo slippers. School is pretty cool and the sisters want to go, too.
I picked Claire up yesterday and she was frustrated that they do the same thing in Kindergarten every day. She brought back a sheet with the alphabet on it and said it was for her to learn her letters, but since she already knew them and that Aoife could have it. Aoife knows it, so Tiegan inherited the piece of paper.
We talked about the other things she did during the school day: what she had for lunch, what she did in gym class, and what kind of math she's doing, and then I asked about her friends and we got to the juicy stuff.
One girl in her class was naughty and went into the yellow zone on her color coded behavior chart. (I guess yellow is bad, but not as bad as red. If you're in blue, it's a good thing, and when you get to purple you get a prize. Green is neutral.) I asked where she was on the chart. She said she's not even on the chart. I have no clue what that means. Let's all hope she's Switzerland.
And then she went on--
"Well Natalia loves this boy, I don't know his name, and me and Mason are trying to break them up. It didn't happen today, so we're going to try again tomorrow. Because Natalia and him are in love and she's just a kid so it's NOT okay."
-So, uh, you and Mason are just friends too right? (I felt like it was my duty to Ross to make sure our daughter, who is playing homewrecker, wasn't also "in love" with someone in Kindergarten.)
After more questions I discovered that neither Natalia or this Mason kid are even in her class. News travels fast, folks. And it starts in Kindergarten. We might have to have a talk on gossiping, but for now I'm celebrating that she's not in love with anyone.
Today is Day 4 and I'm looking forward to picking up Claire and hearing if her "break up plan" was successful.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
The First Day Feast.
We did it! Our First Day of School Feast. While Ross and I were discussing what we wanted this tradition to be for our family, he contributed by bringing Harry Potter into the mix. After all, at Hogwarts, there is always the Start of Term Feast. I decided to break out the ol' Harry Potter Cookbook and plan our feast.
The goal of this feast is to eat as much food as possible, talk about the kiddos' first days, and reveal our family theme for the school year. (and conclude with s'mores and watching the first Harry Potter movie) I was having issues uploading it to have printed, and our home printer wasn't registering, so unfortunately, my wall hanging for the dramatic reveal didn't turn out, but tonight was still a success.
After Claire got home from school, we chatted, had a snack, and then I rushed the girls off for quiet time while I set to work on the feast.
I was pretty into decorating and setting up, I got started cooking a little late (whoops). Girls helped with the cooking until it was that last few minutes when everything was finishing and all burners were being used and I had no counter space to place anything hot and I lost my cool for a little bit. (everyone handled it quite well.)
Girls were pretty impressed with the spread and bellies were filled. We talked about tricky things and making mistakes and how great it is that we can always try again. Claire mentioned something that was tricky at school today (perfect) and we talked about how sometimes when we make mistakes, we learn the most and this year is going to be about learning and trying and having joy while doing so.
In cased you missed it, our Family Theme for the school year is part of a quote from President Thomas S. Monson
^The joy of trying again
I brought out the charms I had made for the girls. Unfortunately, I forgot a part to make them into necklaces for the girls, so that will come later, but each year we'll pick a new theme and they'll get a new charm to add.
honestly, I have no clue if they were even listening, they were just excited to get a present and go watch the movie, but the idea will be reinforced throughout the school year. Hopefully by May or June we'll have it down.
The goal of this feast is to eat as much food as possible, talk about the kiddos' first days, and reveal our family theme for the school year. (and conclude with s'mores and watching the first Harry Potter movie) I was having issues uploading it to have printed, and our home printer wasn't registering, so unfortunately, my wall hanging for the dramatic reveal didn't turn out, but tonight was still a success.
After Claire got home from school, we chatted, had a snack, and then I rushed the girls off for quiet time while I set to work on the feast.
I was pretty into decorating and setting up, I got started cooking a little late (whoops). Girls helped with the cooking until it was that last few minutes when everything was finishing and all burners were being used and I had no counter space to place anything hot and I lost my cool for a little bit. (everyone handled it quite well.)
Girls were pretty impressed with the spread and bellies were filled. We talked about tricky things and making mistakes and how great it is that we can always try again. Claire mentioned something that was tricky at school today (perfect) and we talked about how sometimes when we make mistakes, we learn the most and this year is going to be about learning and trying and having joy while doing so.
In cased you missed it, our Family Theme for the school year is part of a quote from President Thomas S. Monson
^The joy of trying again
I brought out the charms I had made for the girls. Unfortunately, I forgot a part to make them into necklaces for the girls, so that will come later, but each year we'll pick a new theme and they'll get a new charm to add.
honestly, I have no clue if they were even listening, they were just excited to get a present and go watch the movie, but the idea will be reinforced throughout the school year. Hopefully by May or June we'll have it down.
Claire's First Day.
We live walking distance from Claire's school, which I love. What I envision as a lovely stroll crunching leaves, wearing sweaters while pushing the stroller and sipping from a thermos is in all reality hefting along a stroller, wiggling it in odd directions to keep Emma happy, tipping it backwards to keep Tiegan from trying to jump out, and begging and pleading with Aoife to not stop scootering right in front of the stroller so I don't run her over. We still crunch leaves, and it's fantastic. I love the chaos and we will make the trek on foot until I deem it too cold to do so. Aoife scooters along and Claire's scooter is tucked under the stroller so she can scooter home, too.
I was excited to pick up Claire from school and hear about her first day so we arrived pretty early. The bigger girls played on the playground while I fed Emma and waited for Claire. Other parents arrived and pretty soon the kindergarteners came bopping out. She had a couple students from her 4K cclass in her class, and apparently made a couple new friends on her first day. A few girls hugged her before leaving. (We~re still working on showing affection to other people. She usually just stands there and maybe smiles, or looks terrified and honestly, I'm okay with the awkward coldness. You do you, Claire.)
Claire is really excited about one new friend in particular. The two of them came up and Claire asked if her new friend could come over and play. (Maybe another day, that sounds fun.) The older girls hopped on their scooters and I wrestled Tiegan into the stroller (in tears), and we set off for home. Claire told me about her day, yelling so I (and the entire neighborhood) could hear.
There's a hill when you first leave the school, Aoife was going pretty fast and ended up biffing it right in front of the crossing guard. I'll be wearing running shoes from now on so I can keep up, but when I reached her, she sputtered that she wanted to keep scootering so she could do the rest of the the hill and go fast again.
Obviously traumatized.
Claire yelled about her day. She had cheerios for breakfast and a duuper yummy sandwich and oranges and tots for lunch. (Her school has free breakfast and lunch for everyone, which is super fortunate.) Her new friend sat by her. Her teacher liked her flower pants, and she wore a really pretty blue dress. They did math and had quiet time and she colored in coloring books. For choice time she did some more math and read some books. When we finally got home, she handed me a big stack of papers and asked if any of them were for her. (nope) "ugh that was a really really lot of school" -it was even early release day this week. We'll see how she handles next week.
Safe to say she loves school, is making friends, and will have a great time. And will probably need a nap.
I was excited to pick up Claire from school and hear about her first day so we arrived pretty early. The bigger girls played on the playground while I fed Emma and waited for Claire. Other parents arrived and pretty soon the kindergarteners came bopping out. She had a couple students from her 4K cclass in her class, and apparently made a couple new friends on her first day. A few girls hugged her before leaving. (We~re still working on showing affection to other people. She usually just stands there and maybe smiles, or looks terrified and honestly, I'm okay with the awkward coldness. You do you, Claire.)
Claire is really excited about one new friend in particular. The two of them came up and Claire asked if her new friend could come over and play. (Maybe another day, that sounds fun.) The older girls hopped on their scooters and I wrestled Tiegan into the stroller (in tears), and we set off for home. Claire told me about her day, yelling so I (and the entire neighborhood) could hear.
There's a hill when you first leave the school, Aoife was going pretty fast and ended up biffing it right in front of the crossing guard. I'll be wearing running shoes from now on so I can keep up, but when I reached her, she sputtered that she wanted to keep scootering so she could do the rest of the the hill and go fast again.
Obviously traumatized.
Claire yelled about her day. She had cheerios for breakfast and a duuper yummy sandwich and oranges and tots for lunch. (Her school has free breakfast and lunch for everyone, which is super fortunate.) Her new friend sat by her. Her teacher liked her flower pants, and she wore a really pretty blue dress. They did math and had quiet time and she colored in coloring books. For choice time she did some more math and read some books. When we finally got home, she handed me a big stack of papers and asked if any of them were for her. (nope) "ugh that was a really really lot of school" -it was even early release day this week. We'll see how she handles next week.
Safe to say she loves school, is making friends, and will have a great time. And will probably need a nap.
First Day of School From a New "School Mom".
The real report on Claire's first day and our First Day of School Feast will come later.
My kid went to kindergarten today. And I didn't even cry. (Psh, got that out of the way last night. just for a second.) She was so excited this morning. We were all up at six, I helped her get ready and throw the last couple things in her backpack and take the obligatory First Day of School pictures while Ross whipped up bacon and eggs for everyone else. She asked who was going to take her. Last year the whole fam went, but now we have a baby. When I told her Dad probably would she sat for a minute and then replied, "Uhm okay, but what if someone else took me? Like Mom?"
VICTORY!!!
Guys. She loves me. She claims Ross is her favorite (not that we support having favorites) but here she was wanting ME to take her to her first day of school. ME. Evidence that I, deep down, really am the favorite.
Ross still took her. Aoife tagged along while I stayed home with Tiegan feeding Emma. When Aoife walked back through the door, I made a big deal and told her I was so glad that we were going to spend the day together. Last time we sent Claire to school, Aoife had a hard time dealing and decided to protest by refusing to poop ever again. And that was when Claire was only gone for half of the day. So, yeah. I'm pretty worried about how Aoife is going to handle having her other half gone for a good chunk of the day.
Tonight is our First Day of School Feast. (More on that to come.) We have a lot to do to prepare. The remaining girls and I climbed in the car to set off on out to-do list. First stop: Diet Coke.
We went to a local farmer's market for some produce and snagged some cider donuts and a jerky stick for Ross. After, we walked across the parking lot to a craft store to pick up some necklace chains to complete the girls' family theme charms for tonight. (they don't know about them yet.)
Then we grocery shopped and by the time we were back home it was only 10 AM. Everyone was dressed, hair done, I'm even wearing make up, we ran all of our errands and were back inside by 10 AM. What?
Emma ate and I laid her in her crib and she as out fast. Aoife and Tiegan have spent the rest of the time outside. Aoife on her scooter, found a girl across the street (also on a scooter). The two of them have been chatting from across the street for the last almost two hours. (I guess her mom has a stay on this side of the street where I can see you rule, too.)
Every now and then Aoife will run inside to tell me something she found out about her new friend. "Mom! She is SO nice!" I brought her out a sandwich and about 10 seconds later Aoife came in to tell me her friend was going home to get a PB&J sandwich, too. Good thing I'm not pregnant, because this is exactly the kind of thing that would have me tearing up, it's so sweet.
My house is quiet and sort of clean and I'm all like, do I really have to start walking to the school in 45 minutes? School might just be the greatest thing on the planet. When can I send the other three?
My kid went to kindergarten today. And I didn't even cry. (Psh, got that out of the way last night. just for a second.) She was so excited this morning. We were all up at six, I helped her get ready and throw the last couple things in her backpack and take the obligatory First Day of School pictures while Ross whipped up bacon and eggs for everyone else. She asked who was going to take her. Last year the whole fam went, but now we have a baby. When I told her Dad probably would she sat for a minute and then replied, "Uhm okay, but what if someone else took me? Like Mom?"
VICTORY!!!
Guys. She loves me. She claims Ross is her favorite (not that we support having favorites) but here she was wanting ME to take her to her first day of school. ME. Evidence that I, deep down, really am the favorite.
Ross still took her. Aoife tagged along while I stayed home with Tiegan feeding Emma. When Aoife walked back through the door, I made a big deal and told her I was so glad that we were going to spend the day together. Last time we sent Claire to school, Aoife had a hard time dealing and decided to protest by refusing to poop ever again. And that was when Claire was only gone for half of the day. So, yeah. I'm pretty worried about how Aoife is going to handle having her other half gone for a good chunk of the day.
Tonight is our First Day of School Feast. (More on that to come.) We have a lot to do to prepare. The remaining girls and I climbed in the car to set off on out to-do list. First stop: Diet Coke.
We went to a local farmer's market for some produce and snagged some cider donuts and a jerky stick for Ross. After, we walked across the parking lot to a craft store to pick up some necklace chains to complete the girls' family theme charms for tonight. (they don't know about them yet.)
Then we grocery shopped and by the time we were back home it was only 10 AM. Everyone was dressed, hair done, I'm even wearing make up, we ran all of our errands and were back inside by 10 AM. What?
Emma ate and I laid her in her crib and she as out fast. Aoife and Tiegan have spent the rest of the time outside. Aoife on her scooter, found a girl across the street (also on a scooter). The two of them have been chatting from across the street for the last almost two hours. (I guess her mom has a stay on this side of the street where I can see you rule, too.)
Every now and then Aoife will run inside to tell me something she found out about her new friend. "Mom! She is SO nice!" I brought her out a sandwich and about 10 seconds later Aoife came in to tell me her friend was going home to get a PB&J sandwich, too. Good thing I'm not pregnant, because this is exactly the kind of thing that would have me tearing up, it's so sweet.
My house is quiet and sort of clean and I'm all like, do I really have to start walking to the school in 45 minutes? School might just be the greatest thing on the planet. When can I send the other three?
Friday, August 26, 2016
Summer Time Blues and Family Traditions.
I feel like I'm functioning better and finally figuring out how to have four children. We are ready for adventures. Good thing school starts in six days. I am never having another summer baby. I refuse. I'm talking abstinence Sept-Dec if necessary. Summertime in Wisconsin is what I live for. Fireflies, lakes, ice cream and farms, hiking, sunshine and blue skies, I could go on forever. We usually spend every day at the lake with a picnic lunch and it's dreamy. The weather started getting nice in April and I made our traditional Summer Bucket List and then I got put on bed rest and had a baby and we've accomplished nothing.
I was under the impression that I was invincible and would feel amazing and would be able to have the most awesome summer ever filled with adventures with our new baby. And then I actually HAD the baby and entered reality. Aside from the emotions and recovery and changes that happen when you have a baby (which we'll visit in a bit), I realized that new babies sun burn easily. You have to worry about them getting too hot, bugs, sand getting in their eyes and nose, lake water being too cold for them, sun. Did I mention sun and heat?
4th Trimester is a real thing. I read something somewhere that said, "Your newborn has spent the entirety of life on the inside and now they're on the outside and it is scary as *choice explicit*. They need to be comforted and reassured that it's okay." Basically the most accurate description ever. Babe goes through a lot of changes and you do too! I think my body is so used to being pregnant that now it thinks something is missing and it's just screaming, "Hey! Something's missing! Put it back!!"
According to Ross, 4th trimester is the hardest on me. First trimester I'm tired and super McBarfy. Second: hormones are all over the place. Third trimester starts out great, but pretty soon I'm throwing up again, too uncomfortable to sleep, in pain, and for the love of all that is good in the world: get this kid out of me. So to say that the first few months that our bundle of joy is in our home tops all of that is really saying something.
I am exhausted. And angry and excited and sad and frustrated and in love and worried and optimistic and every other feeling in the world all in the span of about 5 seconds. Repeat. And the thing is, that's NORMAL.
We spent the summer mostly indoors in survival mode with too little sleep and probably too much caffeine. My invincible adventure filled summer plan lost to sleep deprivation and almost unconquerable tests of sanity. Emma's two month appointment was last week. I love that her doctor is just as concerned about me as he is about the girls. I rolled up with all four girls. I think one of them was in a costume. I had 3 hours of sleep, whatever was left of yesterday's make up, hair in a mess, and Emma had a giant spit up all down my shirt as we were waiting. He said that he has 3 major things he looks for and values in families and one minor thing. About 1% of his patients meet all of the major things and even less than that meet all 4. We do all of the major things and up until about a year ago had all four. (when we switched to disposable diapers.) He commented on that and said it was the ultimate compliment he could give to a parent and he has a lot of respect for me. I had to hold back from kissing him or bursting into tears in the office. He also said that within the next month Emma should start to figure the world out and settle down. Which means I'll settle down, too.
So here we are: Aug 26. School starts in 6 days and I'm kind of finally getting everything put back together. The last summer we had before any of the kiddos were in school and it's over. Gone. And I'm in mourning.
Yesterday I was updating my calendar and I was putting things in October and November and it hit me. And I stared at the computer for a good 15 minutes and just SOBBED. (remember the psycho emotions we just talked about?) My facebook memories have been reminding me of my impatient love of Fall. In years past I had already decorated, made fall crafts with the girls, and had cream cheese caramel apple cookie bars in the oven.
It took that good sob session to come to term with the situation. It's almost September and it is what it is. We're just going to have to have a super awesome Fall. Starting with our new family traditions. I'm a sucker for quirky family traditions.
It's a packed weekend. Tomorrow is our end of summer party. (more to come on that) But what I'm really excited for is our new back to school traditions.
This year we will be having a family first day of school feast (say that five times fast) to be held the night of the first day of school. Complete with fancy menu, fancy glassware for fancy drinks, crowns for all, decorations, pumpkin bars for dessert, and the unveiling of our Family Theme for the school year.
I've been thinking about what our theme should be for weeks now and yesterday I sat down and got serious about it. I made a list and was emailing them to Ross and as I was typing the last option, I knew I had found it. My girl friend at Jessica Olsen Photography (Stalk her on facebook,and AZ friends you should hire her. She takes the most beautiful photos.) whipped this up for me last night.
It will be framed and hung on our wall for the school year. So girls don't know it yet, but our theme for the 2016-2017 school year is "The Joy of Trying Again". I'm working on some memorabilia for the girls to hand out at our feast. I ordered some gorgeous silver charms with the word "joy" inscribed on them. I think each year I'll pick out a charm that reflects our theme and the girls can collect them and make a bracelet out of them. I'm thinking about having some pins made for them, too, because why not?
We've had some big changes and adjustments in our family and even more in the works; I knew this was the perfect theme for our family this year. So in the spirit of finding joy in trying again, I think a Fall bucket list is in order. Because we're going to have an amazing Fall.
I was under the impression that I was invincible and would feel amazing and would be able to have the most awesome summer ever filled with adventures with our new baby. And then I actually HAD the baby and entered reality. Aside from the emotions and recovery and changes that happen when you have a baby (which we'll visit in a bit), I realized that new babies sun burn easily. You have to worry about them getting too hot, bugs, sand getting in their eyes and nose, lake water being too cold for them, sun. Did I mention sun and heat?
4th Trimester is a real thing. I read something somewhere that said, "Your newborn has spent the entirety of life on the inside and now they're on the outside and it is scary as *choice explicit*. They need to be comforted and reassured that it's okay." Basically the most accurate description ever. Babe goes through a lot of changes and you do too! I think my body is so used to being pregnant that now it thinks something is missing and it's just screaming, "Hey! Something's missing! Put it back!!"
According to Ross, 4th trimester is the hardest on me. First trimester I'm tired and super McBarfy. Second: hormones are all over the place. Third trimester starts out great, but pretty soon I'm throwing up again, too uncomfortable to sleep, in pain, and for the love of all that is good in the world: get this kid out of me. So to say that the first few months that our bundle of joy is in our home tops all of that is really saying something.
I am exhausted. And angry and excited and sad and frustrated and in love and worried and optimistic and every other feeling in the world all in the span of about 5 seconds. Repeat. And the thing is, that's NORMAL.
We spent the summer mostly indoors in survival mode with too little sleep and probably too much caffeine. My invincible adventure filled summer plan lost to sleep deprivation and almost unconquerable tests of sanity. Emma's two month appointment was last week. I love that her doctor is just as concerned about me as he is about the girls. I rolled up with all four girls. I think one of them was in a costume. I had 3 hours of sleep, whatever was left of yesterday's make up, hair in a mess, and Emma had a giant spit up all down my shirt as we were waiting. He said that he has 3 major things he looks for and values in families and one minor thing. About 1% of his patients meet all of the major things and even less than that meet all 4. We do all of the major things and up until about a year ago had all four. (when we switched to disposable diapers.) He commented on that and said it was the ultimate compliment he could give to a parent and he has a lot of respect for me. I had to hold back from kissing him or bursting into tears in the office. He also said that within the next month Emma should start to figure the world out and settle down. Which means I'll settle down, too.
So here we are: Aug 26. School starts in 6 days and I'm kind of finally getting everything put back together. The last summer we had before any of the kiddos were in school and it's over. Gone. And I'm in mourning.
Yesterday I was updating my calendar and I was putting things in October and November and it hit me. And I stared at the computer for a good 15 minutes and just SOBBED. (remember the psycho emotions we just talked about?) My facebook memories have been reminding me of my impatient love of Fall. In years past I had already decorated, made fall crafts with the girls, and had cream cheese caramel apple cookie bars in the oven.
It took that good sob session to come to term with the situation. It's almost September and it is what it is. We're just going to have to have a super awesome Fall. Starting with our new family traditions. I'm a sucker for quirky family traditions.
It's a packed weekend. Tomorrow is our end of summer party. (more to come on that) But what I'm really excited for is our new back to school traditions.
This year we will be having a family first day of school feast (say that five times fast) to be held the night of the first day of school. Complete with fancy menu, fancy glassware for fancy drinks, crowns for all, decorations, pumpkin bars for dessert, and the unveiling of our Family Theme for the school year.
I've been thinking about what our theme should be for weeks now and yesterday I sat down and got serious about it. I made a list and was emailing them to Ross and as I was typing the last option, I knew I had found it. My girl friend at Jessica Olsen Photography (Stalk her on facebook,and AZ friends you should hire her. She takes the most beautiful photos.) whipped this up for me last night.
It will be framed and hung on our wall for the school year. So girls don't know it yet, but our theme for the 2016-2017 school year is "The Joy of Trying Again". I'm working on some memorabilia for the girls to hand out at our feast. I ordered some gorgeous silver charms with the word "joy" inscribed on them. I think each year I'll pick out a charm that reflects our theme and the girls can collect them and make a bracelet out of them. I'm thinking about having some pins made for them, too, because why not?
We've had some big changes and adjustments in our family and even more in the works; I knew this was the perfect theme for our family this year. So in the spirit of finding joy in trying again, I think a Fall bucket list is in order. Because we're going to have an amazing Fall.
Friday, August 19, 2016
It's Okay to Not Fit in Your Pants.
Or at least that's what I'm trying to believe. Y'all are about to get to know me probably more than you wanted to.
After kids #1 and 2, I "bounced back" like it was nothing.The week after Aoife was born I was in church wearing a beautiful size 4 pencil skirt. I've always had body issues and I think I wore that skirt that day like a trophy. Granted, she was eight weeks early, but I remember feeling the pressure to get back in the gym at only days postpartum. I'd hit the treadmill on my way home from NICU visits.
Number three was a little more challenging. Before Tiegan, I started doing CrossFit. I still had some cardio days, but generally a gym workout for me consisted of a WOD (workout of the day), and then either a cardio workout, or a more targeted lifting workout (upper body, arms, or legs). I loved Olympic lifts. My body was strong and I felt like a badass. I ate really well during the week and "cheated" on the weekends. Every time I PR'd either on a lift or timed workout there was a celebration. I weighed more than I ever had, but I loved my body and everything it could do. Enter Tiegan.
Towards the middle/end of the pregnancy I got placed on modified bed rest -banned from the gym and any physical activity. I felt like my muscle turned to jelly. Bed rest got lifted and I got to walk, and she arrived just a couple days later. Enter postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression has been different for me each time. It's very real and can be very scary. And it's lonely. We moved just a couple weeks after Tiegan was born. In winter. In our new ward (church area), I felt isolated. People are generally very welcoming, but I don't know if it was because we had just had a baby, or it was winter, or what, but I felt like we were skipped over. I had a hard time meeting people with school schedule and all in all, I had a really hard time adjusting to life with three kids. I ended up snapping and having a quarter-life crisis and saw a psychiatrist weekly, sometimes twice a week, for a few months.
When I did get back in the gym, it was different. I was struggling with so many other things and I was exhausted. I didn't have the muscular fit body I had before, but with some help, it was okay.
Last fall I started working with a bikini/figure/bodybuilding coach. I love and am fascinated with bodybuilding. I love lifting. I was in a better place, so I set some new goals and got to work. Enter Emma. (no, she wasn't a surprise.) I got put on restricted activity right away and eventually bed rest. I didn't really start gaining weight until I was put on bed rest, and I only gained 20 pounds in all, but I started out fluffier than my "normal".
I lost 12 of that pretty quickly, but then breastfeeding happened and my body freaked out and we're right back where we started. I started lifting again at one month postpartum. At 7 weeks, I had my postpartum check up. And doc saw my crotch wasn't healed yet and my abs below my belly button are split. (Which is why my stomach is a little poochier there.) I still had the okay to exercise (minus sit ups and crunches for a while), and she was okay that I had started before the appointment, but isn't it insane how much pressure we have to "bounce back"? I mean, I've been getting only 3 or four hours of sleep, still bleeding, and I still got suckered into it.
Last week I decided I needed to switch tactics for my self esteem's sake. Rather than build and bulk, I decided to do things a little backwards and try to cut a little first. I'm back to tracking calories and macros and trying to not be obsessive about it. And I decided to wave the white flag and go get a few clothes that actually fit. I can button the pre preggo jeans, but I feel like a busted can of biscuits. At home I wear whatever and at work I wear skirts, but I don't really have anything that's acceptable to leave the house in on a normal day. So last night I trudged off only with Emma as my tag-along and I was even a little excited.
Nope. Nope nope nope. Turns out not only do I have no clue what size pants I should wear, I also have no clue what would even look good. I really had to fight not going and sitting in the car to cry, and I walked out with only two shirts and still no pants. Ross had friends over and I sat upstairs feeding Emma until he came up and asked how I was and what I had found. And I bursted out in tears and said every unkind thing about myself that I usually do.
I've been really bitter towards Ross this time around. And it's unfortunate, because he can't change how reproduction works. But he's stuck with the lifting program I started, taking the supplements I can't, and his body is changing and looking FINE. Meanwhile, I feel like a slug. I get it, I made a PERSON. And it's awesome. And I'm keeping that person alive. But most of the time I wish his nipples weren't useless while mine are being abused. (Girlfriend eats ALL the time.) Ross is kind and compassionate and says kind things to me all the time. And the crazy thing is, he BELIEVES the kind things he's saying. But my pants still don't fit. And I'm really trying to be okay with it. I had four kids in five and a half years and my body got rocked. I'm exhausted. At least my kids are cute. Leggings are totally acceptable as pants anyway, right?
After kids #1 and 2, I "bounced back" like it was nothing.The week after Aoife was born I was in church wearing a beautiful size 4 pencil skirt. I've always had body issues and I think I wore that skirt that day like a trophy. Granted, she was eight weeks early, but I remember feeling the pressure to get back in the gym at only days postpartum. I'd hit the treadmill on my way home from NICU visits.
Number three was a little more challenging. Before Tiegan, I started doing CrossFit. I still had some cardio days, but generally a gym workout for me consisted of a WOD (workout of the day), and then either a cardio workout, or a more targeted lifting workout (upper body, arms, or legs). I loved Olympic lifts. My body was strong and I felt like a badass. I ate really well during the week and "cheated" on the weekends. Every time I PR'd either on a lift or timed workout there was a celebration. I weighed more than I ever had, but I loved my body and everything it could do. Enter Tiegan.
Towards the middle/end of the pregnancy I got placed on modified bed rest -banned from the gym and any physical activity. I felt like my muscle turned to jelly. Bed rest got lifted and I got to walk, and she arrived just a couple days later. Enter postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression has been different for me each time. It's very real and can be very scary. And it's lonely. We moved just a couple weeks after Tiegan was born. In winter. In our new ward (church area), I felt isolated. People are generally very welcoming, but I don't know if it was because we had just had a baby, or it was winter, or what, but I felt like we were skipped over. I had a hard time meeting people with school schedule and all in all, I had a really hard time adjusting to life with three kids. I ended up snapping and having a quarter-life crisis and saw a psychiatrist weekly, sometimes twice a week, for a few months.
When I did get back in the gym, it was different. I was struggling with so many other things and I was exhausted. I didn't have the muscular fit body I had before, but with some help, it was okay.
Last fall I started working with a bikini/figure/bodybuilding coach. I love and am fascinated with bodybuilding. I love lifting. I was in a better place, so I set some new goals and got to work. Enter Emma. (no, she wasn't a surprise.) I got put on restricted activity right away and eventually bed rest. I didn't really start gaining weight until I was put on bed rest, and I only gained 20 pounds in all, but I started out fluffier than my "normal".
I lost 12 of that pretty quickly, but then breastfeeding happened and my body freaked out and we're right back where we started. I started lifting again at one month postpartum. At 7 weeks, I had my postpartum check up. And doc saw my crotch wasn't healed yet and my abs below my belly button are split. (Which is why my stomach is a little poochier there.) I still had the okay to exercise (minus sit ups and crunches for a while), and she was okay that I had started before the appointment, but isn't it insane how much pressure we have to "bounce back"? I mean, I've been getting only 3 or four hours of sleep, still bleeding, and I still got suckered into it.
Last week I decided I needed to switch tactics for my self esteem's sake. Rather than build and bulk, I decided to do things a little backwards and try to cut a little first. I'm back to tracking calories and macros and trying to not be obsessive about it. And I decided to wave the white flag and go get a few clothes that actually fit. I can button the pre preggo jeans, but I feel like a busted can of biscuits. At home I wear whatever and at work I wear skirts, but I don't really have anything that's acceptable to leave the house in on a normal day. So last night I trudged off only with Emma as my tag-along and I was even a little excited.
Nope. Nope nope nope. Turns out not only do I have no clue what size pants I should wear, I also have no clue what would even look good. I really had to fight not going and sitting in the car to cry, and I walked out with only two shirts and still no pants. Ross had friends over and I sat upstairs feeding Emma until he came up and asked how I was and what I had found. And I bursted out in tears and said every unkind thing about myself that I usually do.
I've been really bitter towards Ross this time around. And it's unfortunate, because he can't change how reproduction works. But he's stuck with the lifting program I started, taking the supplements I can't, and his body is changing and looking FINE. Meanwhile, I feel like a slug. I get it, I made a PERSON. And it's awesome. And I'm keeping that person alive. But most of the time I wish his nipples weren't useless while mine are being abused. (Girlfriend eats ALL the time.) Ross is kind and compassionate and says kind things to me all the time. And the crazy thing is, he BELIEVES the kind things he's saying. But my pants still don't fit. And I'm really trying to be okay with it. I had four kids in five and a half years and my body got rocked. I'm exhausted. At least my kids are cute. Leggings are totally acceptable as pants anyway, right?
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Ross Is Dadding So Hard Today.
I almost wish Father's Day was every week. Ross is such an amazing Dad, he'd deserve it. Isn't he so handsome doing the Dad thing? Be still my heart.
Also, Mama Loveland is in town and brought these cool squirt toys that Ross became the victim of. (No, I did not play.)
Mama Loveland is in town and Ross took today off, so we went to my favorite farm market/petting farm. Thank goodness Grandma brought the quarters.
Also, Mama Loveland is in town and brought these cool squirt toys that Ross became the victim of. (No, I did not play.)
Mama Loveland is in town and Ross took today off, so we went to my favorite farm market/petting farm. Thank goodness Grandma brought the quarters.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
"Cause Females are strong as Hell"
That was my motto and reassurance toward the end of pregnancy. I discovered it right after being put on bed rest. I watched both seasons of Kimmy Schmidt in two days. #bedrestchampion And that's where my survival mantra came from.
I bring it up because today I'm relying on it again. Yesterday was Emma's kidney testing and today the results are in. Turns out not only do I try to kick these babies out half-baked, I also make mutant babies.
One kidney has an extra pelvis, apparently it's a part of the kidney and not just a bone. The other kidney has an extra drainey thingy. And those extra's aren't supposed to be there. Neither kidney is doing what they're supposed to and that's why they're so big.
Tomorrow we're doing another test to see just how much these unwelcome additions are affecting kidney function. Depending on the results she will either need surgery, or will be closely monitored for life with a possibility of surgery down the road. Either way she's being referred to an emergency pediatric urologist. I'm not sure what the difference is between an emergency urologist and a normal urologist. Maybe it just sounds more official. I wonder if that title is actually on the business card.
It's super awesome finally knowing what's up with this love nugget's kidneys and have some answers! She'll be on the antibiotic for a long while and we need to be extra careful to make sure she doesn't get any infections. Her mutant kidneys might not be able to handle it.
But it's not all bad. She's gaining weight like a champ and is already a half pound bigger than birth weight, good news!
I've also been binge watching Fixer Upper during late night feedings. And in one of the early episodes Joanna Gaines makes a gorgeous wall sign with a fantastic quote.
I love it. And I think about it every morning when the sun comes up and I've only had three hours of sleep. Having four kids five and under can be overwhelming, but reminding myself that it's a good day makes all the difference. I've taken all the girls to the zoo, hiking, shopping. By myself. And it's been awesome because every day it's a good day to have a good day. Also, females are strong as Hell.
I bring it up because today I'm relying on it again. Yesterday was Emma's kidney testing and today the results are in. Turns out not only do I try to kick these babies out half-baked, I also make mutant babies.
One kidney has an extra pelvis, apparently it's a part of the kidney and not just a bone. The other kidney has an extra drainey thingy. And those extra's aren't supposed to be there. Neither kidney is doing what they're supposed to and that's why they're so big.
Tomorrow we're doing another test to see just how much these unwelcome additions are affecting kidney function. Depending on the results she will either need surgery, or will be closely monitored for life with a possibility of surgery down the road. Either way she's being referred to an emergency pediatric urologist. I'm not sure what the difference is between an emergency urologist and a normal urologist. Maybe it just sounds more official. I wonder if that title is actually on the business card.
It's super awesome finally knowing what's up with this love nugget's kidneys and have some answers! She'll be on the antibiotic for a long while and we need to be extra careful to make sure she doesn't get any infections. Her mutant kidneys might not be able to handle it.
But it's not all bad. She's gaining weight like a champ and is already a half pound bigger than birth weight, good news!
I've also been binge watching Fixer Upper during late night feedings. And in one of the early episodes Joanna Gaines makes a gorgeous wall sign with a fantastic quote.
 |
| Obviously, this isn't the wall sign she had made. |
I love it. And I think about it every morning when the sun comes up and I've only had three hours of sleep. Having four kids five and under can be overwhelming, but reminding myself that it's a good day makes all the difference. I've taken all the girls to the zoo, hiking, shopping. By myself. And it's been awesome because every day it's a good day to have a good day. Also, females are strong as Hell.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Everyone Loves a Good Birth Story.
This was almost the longest I'd ever stayed pregnant. Almost. And I am a terrible pregnant person. At my 37 week appointment, I was sitting at 6 cm dilated. Before that I had been waltzing around at 5. Doc really didn't think I'd make it through the weekend, which would have worked out since it was her weekend on call at the hospital. She told me to not even call L&D to ask if I should go in, but to go as soon as I thought something *might* be happening. With Tiegan, I went from a 7 to holding a baby in 20-25 minutes so an unplanned home birth was a serious concern.
The weekend came and went with no baby. When my 38 week appointment came around, we were all shocked. Claire was born just shy of 39 weeks and here I was at 38 weeks, 2 days. Nothing had changed, and because I wasn't 39 weeks doc couldn't do anything to get things rolling. She was on call at the hospital again the following Monday, so we scheduled a membrane sweep for Monday morning. After, she'd put me on the monitors and if I was contracting at all, she'd just admit me. I was having contractions what felt like ALL the time, so we were pretty much guaranteed a baby on Monday. Doc joked that of course now that we scheduled it, babe would probably make her debut before then.
That night, Ross and I did the usual: Netflix and Skip-bo with apple slices and cheese before bed. I made my 10,000 bathroom trips through the night, but sometime between 1 and 3 AM things were just feeling a little wet. I drink 7-9 liters of water a day and this nugget had been at 0 station for a few weeks, so I slept with a shirt between my legs (too lazy to get up and grab a towel) and didn't think much of it.
Every morning, I huff and puff and roll out of bed and head downstairs. The girls wake up before the sun and watch cartoons, Ross gets up at 6:15, and I show up a little after 7:00. I grab a diet coke from the fridge to put the nausea at bay and sit on my living room throne for a while. Ross heads off to work at 7:30 and the girls and I enjoy a lazy few minutes before the cleaning party begins. After Ross left, I got up to go to the bathroom for the 50th time that morning and noticed a huge wet spot on my pants. I decided to change and see if it happened again and resumed my place on the couch. While sitting there were a few more gushes. I still wasn't convinced I wasn't just peeing myself.
This whole pregnancy with the serious cramps and contractions I have been determined to not show up at L&D unless I'd be leaving with a baby. There were many nights I'd be gritting my teeth and grimacing in pain and Ross would kindly suggest I go in. I'd glare and grunt that I refused to go in unless a baby was hanging halfway out. (I'm a really kind pregnant person. Ross deserves a medal.)
I said a quick prayer that I'd know if things were happening and that I'd know when to go in. And I seriously hoped I could get out of my own stupid head to feel any promptings. I was going to go start the cleaning party and work on the kitchen but really felt like I should go sit down again. Right when I sat down I had a couple bigger gushes and knew it was go time. Ross headed home and I arranged for girls to go to a friend's house. (Seriously, so blessed to text someone and say hey, can my kids come over like right now?! and have them say yes.) Bags were mostly packed, but I gathered the rest while waiting for Ross to come home.
Usually I'm the driver, but with contractions picking up I had Ross drive while I sat on my towel and gushed all the way to the hospital. The walk to L&D from the parking garage is seriously long. I guess it makes you question whether you REALLY want to get checked out. I looked like I had peed my pants, and since I hadn't gotten ready for the day, I looked pretty homeless too. I tried to waddle with my knees together to contain the gushing and had to stop every now and then for contractions. I'm sure I was quite the sight.
We got admitted around 10 to test for fluid and get monitored. I was at a 6-6.5 and really stretchy and sure enough water had broken. Ross was pretty pumped, there were 3 soccer matches on that day. Thank you, Copa America. I was undecided on pain meds so I decided to wait and see. We got set up in our room around 11, and since this nugget wasn't preterm, I didn't have to be hooked up to monitors the whole time! Yahoo! I did have an IV with antibiotics and fluid, but I was able to walk around and use the IV cart as a walking stick.
The dr on call came in to say hi and chat for a bit. When talking about pain management, he said if I wanted to go med free, great, but they don't hand out blue ribbons and if I wanted an epidural, that was okay too and probably the sooner the better because when I really hit active labor, it'd go really fast. I felt like an idiot for not knowing what I wanted to do. The contractions weren't that bad yet, and there were definitely things about Tiegan's med-free birth that I loved, just not the 20 minutes where I wanted to die. I opted to just wait it out and they had everything for an epidural set up and ready so if/when I decided I wanted it they could get it in fast. While dr was talking with me, he was definitely checking out the soccer game going on.
The nurse suggested I walk around and see if that would get things going. I just walked laps around the room and sipped on apple juice. Ross asked if I was leaning towards med-free again and I said yes. I think I pooed 5 times and was seriously concerned about ruining my perfect not pooping on the table record. And then things picked up. Within 5 minutes of saying I was thinking med-free I was wanting to die and told the nurse ASAP that I was tapping out and wanting the epidural. We had decided earlier on that if/when I wanted it they wouldn't recheck me unless I was feeling pushy and that I could get the epidural. There wasn't any harm in waiting to push, so if I *was* ready to push, I could still get the epidural and hold off.
They called the anesthesiologist and I'm so grateful they had everything already set up and ready to go. He walked in and I said "I think you're my new best friend!" He asked how I was doing and I said, "Probably about how it looks." At that point, I was feeling tons of pressure and in serious pain and not really liking Ross. (Poor guy.)
I was a hard target for the anesthesiologist and he was awesome. Contractions were coming more frequently and the pressure made it hard to sit. The nurse told me I was doing awesome to which I asked if she'd ever told someone they suck at this. (No, she hadn't, but promised I was actually awesome.) I threw up while the anesthesiologist was trying to go, and the vomiting had me gushing a ton. I apologized to the nurse and asked if I had barfed on anyone. She said I had great aim and everything got in the bag. I noticed a wet spot on the bed and apologized for that too, and she said it was from the washcloths and I was sitting in my own puddle. (I'm really funny when I'm in labor.) A few more contractions and the anesthesiologist was done! Once it started to kick in and I got relief from the pressure, I told the anesthesiologist how fantastic my crotch felt.
I got situated in the bed and placed on the monitors. The nurse thought I was probably ready to push, but said she'd let me just enjoy the relief for a while and then check me. 20 minutes later she came in to check and I was almost there, but not quite. She helped me roll on my side and 5 minutes later I was feeling lots of pressure. Sure enough, babe was right there and ready!
This was the first time having a male deliver. And there were definitely some differences, like checking on the soccer match while chatting with me. During the actual delivery, he didn't even put on gloves until she was coming out. I kind of really liked him. He was super low key and calm and relaxed about the whole thing.
We pushed in sets of 3. Since I was nice and numb, it was such a different experience from last time. No screaming at all. I made a comment and joked with the doctor about it. At one point between pushing sets I had Ross, the doctor, and 2 nurses just sitting waiting for the next contraction. It was silent so I said, "Sorry guys, y'all are staring at my crotch, but it's kind of a waiting game." It was just weird to not be in pain and between pushing with everyone just waiting.
It's been an emotional pregnancy. I mean, the hormones make it worse, but I feel like I cried ALL the time. With the kidney concerns from the get-go and no answers, and later in the pregnancy wondering if I could really handle 4 littles when it felt like I barely had my routine with the three. Her kidney could be any number of things. I had a high risk of down syndrome, but declined the testing since it increases the risk for preterm delivery and I'm already such a high risk. The last ultrasound at 34 weeks, we couldn't get a great picture of her nose/mouth and it looked a little funky. I was worried I'd reject this nugget. I didn't feel SUPER connected like I had with the other three. The last month or so, I knew I wanted her out, but I wasn't so sure I wanted 4 kids. I was pretty much feeling like mother of the year. The theme song from Unbreakable of Kimmy Schmidt, the part that says, "Cause females are strong as hell" has been my mantra for the past couple of months.
She came out in just 3 or 4 sets of 3 pushes. Super fast. They had me watch when it was super close. I felt the pop of her head and said, "Woah! That's a big head!" Everyone laughed and doc goes, "uhh actually, that's a pretty normal head." This hospital does delayed cord clamping and an hour of skin to skin time before they even measure her. And we fell in love right away. Ross hung out for a while before going to get the big sisters.
After the hour, the nurse took her and took her stats. After, she helped me get cleaned up and situated before moving to our room upstairs.We snuggled and I just breathed in that intoxicating new baby smell until the big sisters showed up. Earlier, Ross and I had picked out some Best Sisters Forever necklace lockets for the older girls from the baby. I wanted them to know that they are special and important too with all of the new changes to our family. And I'm super grateful we found one that was a set of 3. Tiegan came running in squealing "Mommy!" which makes my heart melt. The older two were pretty interested in the baby at first before discovering the free juice and crackers. Tiegan was wanting to jump on the bed while I protected my IV arm and Emma from the psycho toddler. They stayed to watch Emma get her first bath before heading home for the night.
The next day she got checked out by our pediatrician. The sisters had come back for a visit and we were hanging out in the family lounge. He said hi to everyone and talked to the girls and just checked her out right there. He wasn't even supposed to be working, he was headed out of town for a long weekend, but since he had been expecting her arrival for a couple of months, he wanted to check her out on his way out. (Seriously, if I have one skill, it's picking amazing pediatricians. And he was pretty amazed she stayed cooking for as long as she did.) He chatted with me for a while about her kidney and made sure I knew everything about the game plan and didn't have any questions before taking off for vacation.
Overall this was the best delivery of the four, minus the after baby cramping. I needed a stronger pain med for that. But no tearing, bleeding was pretty minimal, and she nurses like a champ. I seriously under estimated how tired I'd be. Gratefully Ross' dad got in the evening we went home and it's been a huge blessing.
She eats just about every 3 hours on the dot for an hour, sleeps for 2 hours, repeat. The first couple of night feedings I'm enthusiastic and put on Netflix, the third I'm lazy at best, and the last feeding I am pretty trashed. I'm currently in the market for a Netflix series that will get me excited to watch where each episode builds on each other so I have to keep watching to see what happens next.
Six days later and Claire loves holding Emma. Aoife is semi interested, and Tiegan has warmed up enough to acknowledge "baby" and will occasionally touch her with one finger. I can't believe it's already been almost a week! We are completely smitten and she smells just as delicious as ever. We love our little M&M!
The weekend came and went with no baby. When my 38 week appointment came around, we were all shocked. Claire was born just shy of 39 weeks and here I was at 38 weeks, 2 days. Nothing had changed, and because I wasn't 39 weeks doc couldn't do anything to get things rolling. She was on call at the hospital again the following Monday, so we scheduled a membrane sweep for Monday morning. After, she'd put me on the monitors and if I was contracting at all, she'd just admit me. I was having contractions what felt like ALL the time, so we were pretty much guaranteed a baby on Monday. Doc joked that of course now that we scheduled it, babe would probably make her debut before then.
That night, Ross and I did the usual: Netflix and Skip-bo with apple slices and cheese before bed. I made my 10,000 bathroom trips through the night, but sometime between 1 and 3 AM things were just feeling a little wet. I drink 7-9 liters of water a day and this nugget had been at 0 station for a few weeks, so I slept with a shirt between my legs (too lazy to get up and grab a towel) and didn't think much of it.
Every morning, I huff and puff and roll out of bed and head downstairs. The girls wake up before the sun and watch cartoons, Ross gets up at 6:15, and I show up a little after 7:00. I grab a diet coke from the fridge to put the nausea at bay and sit on my living room throne for a while. Ross heads off to work at 7:30 and the girls and I enjoy a lazy few minutes before the cleaning party begins. After Ross left, I got up to go to the bathroom for the 50th time that morning and noticed a huge wet spot on my pants. I decided to change and see if it happened again and resumed my place on the couch. While sitting there were a few more gushes. I still wasn't convinced I wasn't just peeing myself.
This whole pregnancy with the serious cramps and contractions I have been determined to not show up at L&D unless I'd be leaving with a baby. There were many nights I'd be gritting my teeth and grimacing in pain and Ross would kindly suggest I go in. I'd glare and grunt that I refused to go in unless a baby was hanging halfway out. (I'm a really kind pregnant person. Ross deserves a medal.)
I said a quick prayer that I'd know if things were happening and that I'd know when to go in. And I seriously hoped I could get out of my own stupid head to feel any promptings. I was going to go start the cleaning party and work on the kitchen but really felt like I should go sit down again. Right when I sat down I had a couple bigger gushes and knew it was go time. Ross headed home and I arranged for girls to go to a friend's house. (Seriously, so blessed to text someone and say hey, can my kids come over like right now?! and have them say yes.) Bags were mostly packed, but I gathered the rest while waiting for Ross to come home.
Usually I'm the driver, but with contractions picking up I had Ross drive while I sat on my towel and gushed all the way to the hospital. The walk to L&D from the parking garage is seriously long. I guess it makes you question whether you REALLY want to get checked out. I looked like I had peed my pants, and since I hadn't gotten ready for the day, I looked pretty homeless too. I tried to waddle with my knees together to contain the gushing and had to stop every now and then for contractions. I'm sure I was quite the sight.
We got admitted around 10 to test for fluid and get monitored. I was at a 6-6.5 and really stretchy and sure enough water had broken. Ross was pretty pumped, there were 3 soccer matches on that day. Thank you, Copa America. I was undecided on pain meds so I decided to wait and see. We got set up in our room around 11, and since this nugget wasn't preterm, I didn't have to be hooked up to monitors the whole time! Yahoo! I did have an IV with antibiotics and fluid, but I was able to walk around and use the IV cart as a walking stick.
The dr on call came in to say hi and chat for a bit. When talking about pain management, he said if I wanted to go med free, great, but they don't hand out blue ribbons and if I wanted an epidural, that was okay too and probably the sooner the better because when I really hit active labor, it'd go really fast. I felt like an idiot for not knowing what I wanted to do. The contractions weren't that bad yet, and there were definitely things about Tiegan's med-free birth that I loved, just not the 20 minutes where I wanted to die. I opted to just wait it out and they had everything for an epidural set up and ready so if/when I decided I wanted it they could get it in fast. While dr was talking with me, he was definitely checking out the soccer game going on.
The nurse suggested I walk around and see if that would get things going. I just walked laps around the room and sipped on apple juice. Ross asked if I was leaning towards med-free again and I said yes. I think I pooed 5 times and was seriously concerned about ruining my perfect not pooping on the table record. And then things picked up. Within 5 minutes of saying I was thinking med-free I was wanting to die and told the nurse ASAP that I was tapping out and wanting the epidural. We had decided earlier on that if/when I wanted it they wouldn't recheck me unless I was feeling pushy and that I could get the epidural. There wasn't any harm in waiting to push, so if I *was* ready to push, I could still get the epidural and hold off.
They called the anesthesiologist and I'm so grateful they had everything already set up and ready to go. He walked in and I said "I think you're my new best friend!" He asked how I was doing and I said, "Probably about how it looks." At that point, I was feeling tons of pressure and in serious pain and not really liking Ross. (Poor guy.)
I was a hard target for the anesthesiologist and he was awesome. Contractions were coming more frequently and the pressure made it hard to sit. The nurse told me I was doing awesome to which I asked if she'd ever told someone they suck at this. (No, she hadn't, but promised I was actually awesome.) I threw up while the anesthesiologist was trying to go, and the vomiting had me gushing a ton. I apologized to the nurse and asked if I had barfed on anyone. She said I had great aim and everything got in the bag. I noticed a wet spot on the bed and apologized for that too, and she said it was from the washcloths and I was sitting in my own puddle. (I'm really funny when I'm in labor.) A few more contractions and the anesthesiologist was done! Once it started to kick in and I got relief from the pressure, I told the anesthesiologist how fantastic my crotch felt.
I got situated in the bed and placed on the monitors. The nurse thought I was probably ready to push, but said she'd let me just enjoy the relief for a while and then check me. 20 minutes later she came in to check and I was almost there, but not quite. She helped me roll on my side and 5 minutes later I was feeling lots of pressure. Sure enough, babe was right there and ready!
This was the first time having a male deliver. And there were definitely some differences, like checking on the soccer match while chatting with me. During the actual delivery, he didn't even put on gloves until she was coming out. I kind of really liked him. He was super low key and calm and relaxed about the whole thing.
We pushed in sets of 3. Since I was nice and numb, it was such a different experience from last time. No screaming at all. I made a comment and joked with the doctor about it. At one point between pushing sets I had Ross, the doctor, and 2 nurses just sitting waiting for the next contraction. It was silent so I said, "Sorry guys, y'all are staring at my crotch, but it's kind of a waiting game." It was just weird to not be in pain and between pushing with everyone just waiting.
It's been an emotional pregnancy. I mean, the hormones make it worse, but I feel like I cried ALL the time. With the kidney concerns from the get-go and no answers, and later in the pregnancy wondering if I could really handle 4 littles when it felt like I barely had my routine with the three. Her kidney could be any number of things. I had a high risk of down syndrome, but declined the testing since it increases the risk for preterm delivery and I'm already such a high risk. The last ultrasound at 34 weeks, we couldn't get a great picture of her nose/mouth and it looked a little funky. I was worried I'd reject this nugget. I didn't feel SUPER connected like I had with the other three. The last month or so, I knew I wanted her out, but I wasn't so sure I wanted 4 kids. I was pretty much feeling like mother of the year. The theme song from Unbreakable of Kimmy Schmidt, the part that says, "Cause females are strong as hell" has been my mantra for the past couple of months.
She came out in just 3 or 4 sets of 3 pushes. Super fast. They had me watch when it was super close. I felt the pop of her head and said, "Woah! That's a big head!" Everyone laughed and doc goes, "uhh actually, that's a pretty normal head." This hospital does delayed cord clamping and an hour of skin to skin time before they even measure her. And we fell in love right away. Ross hung out for a while before going to get the big sisters.
After the hour, the nurse took her and took her stats. After, she helped me get cleaned up and situated before moving to our room upstairs.We snuggled and I just breathed in that intoxicating new baby smell until the big sisters showed up. Earlier, Ross and I had picked out some Best Sisters Forever necklace lockets for the older girls from the baby. I wanted them to know that they are special and important too with all of the new changes to our family. And I'm super grateful we found one that was a set of 3. Tiegan came running in squealing "Mommy!" which makes my heart melt. The older two were pretty interested in the baby at first before discovering the free juice and crackers. Tiegan was wanting to jump on the bed while I protected my IV arm and Emma from the psycho toddler. They stayed to watch Emma get her first bath before heading home for the night.
The next day she got checked out by our pediatrician. The sisters had come back for a visit and we were hanging out in the family lounge. He said hi to everyone and talked to the girls and just checked her out right there. He wasn't even supposed to be working, he was headed out of town for a long weekend, but since he had been expecting her arrival for a couple of months, he wanted to check her out on his way out. (Seriously, if I have one skill, it's picking amazing pediatricians. And he was pretty amazed she stayed cooking for as long as she did.) He chatted with me for a while about her kidney and made sure I knew everything about the game plan and didn't have any questions before taking off for vacation.
Overall this was the best delivery of the four, minus the after baby cramping. I needed a stronger pain med for that. But no tearing, bleeding was pretty minimal, and she nurses like a champ. I seriously under estimated how tired I'd be. Gratefully Ross' dad got in the evening we went home and it's been a huge blessing.
She eats just about every 3 hours on the dot for an hour, sleeps for 2 hours, repeat. The first couple of night feedings I'm enthusiastic and put on Netflix, the third I'm lazy at best, and the last feeding I am pretty trashed. I'm currently in the market for a Netflix series that will get me excited to watch where each episode builds on each other so I have to keep watching to see what happens next.
Six days later and Claire loves holding Emma. Aoife is semi interested, and Tiegan has warmed up enough to acknowledge "baby" and will occasionally touch her with one finger. I can't believe it's already been almost a week! We are completely smitten and she smells just as delicious as ever. We love our little M&M!
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Bed Rest Day 1.
AKA Kate's whine sesh:
It's been an insane 36 hours or so. Monday I had my injection appointment and Tuesday was the regular OB appointment. Or it was supposed to be regular. Turns out I was dilating and super soft and the nugget is way into my crotch, which we already knew, but makes for the perfect storm. I got taken off of work immediately and put on bed rest. Bed rest while doing as little as my job as "mom" would require. It was kind of a blow and an emotional day, but as the day went on I was feeling more and more optimistic. More cooking time for the nugget, an aggressive approach with steroids (which was AMAZING with Tiegan), and even closer monitoring. I'm so glad this doc is super proactive and on top of things. Plus think of all of the time I now have to watch all of the Netflix shows I've been wanting to veg on!
All yesterday I was super crampy/contractiony and was enough pain that it woke me up for a few hours last night. I figured I had an appointment at the hospital in the afternoon anyway and Aoife had a doctor appointment too that she really needed to go to, no big deal. I've been super barfy and miserable but hey, third trimester. Nobody's completely glowey and awesome at the end.We took it easy this morning, did nails, girls played outside, watched some Little Einsteins and snuggled before the afternoon of doctor appointments.
I was at the hospital for an appointment yesterday, too, so when the nurse asked how I was doing today, I was honest. She called my regular OB right away and lemme tell you, doc was not impressed. And I got put on super strict bed rest. And it's a huge blow realizing you can't even take care of your own kids. I went from super optimistic and thinking of all of the things I could do from my throne in the living room to feeling defeated and useless and inadequate and just all around stressing the F out. Like seriously, if I can't even take care of my three kids now, what am I going to do when this nugget joins the circus?
Everything hurts. I hate stairs. I hate sitting, I eat food only to barf it up a few minutes later. I haven't slept in months and probably won't sleep again until December. I couldn't waddle fast enough to catch my future track stars in the parking garage when leaving the hospital and they may or may not have ran out in front of a car and I completely blew up in said parking garage and told them not to talk the entire drive home. I cried for the entire drive home and probably freaked them out. I've had 22 shots so far this pregnancy and I'm super over it. Don't get me wrong, the shots are making a world of difference and I'm grateful she's still in there cooking and that she's also getting steroids to speed things up, but I feel like a pin cushion.
In better news: I've been having nightmares. (I promise it is actually better news.) Babe's kidneys are abnormal, which we knew from the get-go. I hadn't really thought much about it since it could mean a thousand different things, but as things got closer, I started having nightmares about it. Yesterday at the normal OB appointment I asked doc to lay it all out there just so I knew what after delivery would look like. She pulled up the latest ultrasound and said they didn't look TOO bad. She'd probably be whisked away for an ultrasound and we'd go from there but she doubts there's anything super serious to worry about. So with all of the suck of the last couple days, some good news!
My mom is jumping on a plane on Friday, and I have some really awesome people helping out until she gets here, which I'm super grateful for. I feel like a ticking bomb and I'm convinced I'm going to accidentally high-five this kid when I wipe or something. We'll just keep her in as long as possible and not send her out half baked. And I'll accept donations of Diet Coke. Or chocolate. Or play dates for my poor kids. Or suggestions of things to do so I don't go too crazy. Or just general "you're awesome and not a sucky mom" well wishes. And give Ross a pinch and tell him he's awesome, too. Cause he's handling the news and my crazy super well. He's a rock star. Bed Rest Day 1: Survived. Is it Friday yet?
It's been an insane 36 hours or so. Monday I had my injection appointment and Tuesday was the regular OB appointment. Or it was supposed to be regular. Turns out I was dilating and super soft and the nugget is way into my crotch, which we already knew, but makes for the perfect storm. I got taken off of work immediately and put on bed rest. Bed rest while doing as little as my job as "mom" would require. It was kind of a blow and an emotional day, but as the day went on I was feeling more and more optimistic. More cooking time for the nugget, an aggressive approach with steroids (which was AMAZING with Tiegan), and even closer monitoring. I'm so glad this doc is super proactive and on top of things. Plus think of all of the time I now have to watch all of the Netflix shows I've been wanting to veg on!
All yesterday I was super crampy/contractiony and was enough pain that it woke me up for a few hours last night. I figured I had an appointment at the hospital in the afternoon anyway and Aoife had a doctor appointment too that she really needed to go to, no big deal. I've been super barfy and miserable but hey, third trimester. Nobody's completely glowey and awesome at the end.We took it easy this morning, did nails, girls played outside, watched some Little Einsteins and snuggled before the afternoon of doctor appointments.
I was at the hospital for an appointment yesterday, too, so when the nurse asked how I was doing today, I was honest. She called my regular OB right away and lemme tell you, doc was not impressed. And I got put on super strict bed rest. And it's a huge blow realizing you can't even take care of your own kids. I went from super optimistic and thinking of all of the things I could do from my throne in the living room to feeling defeated and useless and inadequate and just all around stressing the F out. Like seriously, if I can't even take care of my three kids now, what am I going to do when this nugget joins the circus?
Everything hurts. I hate stairs. I hate sitting, I eat food only to barf it up a few minutes later. I haven't slept in months and probably won't sleep again until December. I couldn't waddle fast enough to catch my future track stars in the parking garage when leaving the hospital and they may or may not have ran out in front of a car and I completely blew up in said parking garage and told them not to talk the entire drive home. I cried for the entire drive home and probably freaked them out. I've had 22 shots so far this pregnancy and I'm super over it. Don't get me wrong, the shots are making a world of difference and I'm grateful she's still in there cooking and that she's also getting steroids to speed things up, but I feel like a pin cushion.
In better news: I've been having nightmares. (I promise it is actually better news.) Babe's kidneys are abnormal, which we knew from the get-go. I hadn't really thought much about it since it could mean a thousand different things, but as things got closer, I started having nightmares about it. Yesterday at the normal OB appointment I asked doc to lay it all out there just so I knew what after delivery would look like. She pulled up the latest ultrasound and said they didn't look TOO bad. She'd probably be whisked away for an ultrasound and we'd go from there but she doubts there's anything super serious to worry about. So with all of the suck of the last couple days, some good news!
My mom is jumping on a plane on Friday, and I have some really awesome people helping out until she gets here, which I'm super grateful for. I feel like a ticking bomb and I'm convinced I'm going to accidentally high-five this kid when I wipe or something. We'll just keep her in as long as possible and not send her out half baked. And I'll accept donations of Diet Coke. Or chocolate. Or play dates for my poor kids. Or suggestions of things to do so I don't go too crazy. Or just general "you're awesome and not a sucky mom" well wishes. And give Ross a pinch and tell him he's awesome, too. Cause he's handling the news and my crazy super well. He's a rock star. Bed Rest Day 1: Survived. Is it Friday yet?
Friday, April 8, 2016
The Baby Quilt.
Nobody got dressed yesterday. Well, I got dressed before work, and Tiegan changed into an adorable ladybug summer tank top and refused to put on pants, but other than that we had a lazy chill day yesterday. I decided to start on the upcoming nugget's quilt yesterday and the girls were so great at playing together and "helping" with the quilt, I accidentally did nothing else yesterday and finished it! This being the fourth round of baby quilts, I gotta say, sewing is a lot more fun the more competent you are. I didn't have any trouble with the bobbins, didn't break any needles, and no tears/curse words came out of me. I got caught up on conference, we watched movies and played Legos, and girls had a great time helping me decide which squares belonged where. It was fantastic. The quilt isn't perfect, but I love the little imperfections. And I love that the girls asked about their baby quilts and only felt minor stings when Claire complained that the new baby's blanket is better than hers. (Sorry kid. I guess that's the problem with being the oldest.)
Originally I had fallen in love with fabric at Hobby Lobby, but had to leave it to take Aoife to urgent care to get her head glued back together and after the scene I made I refuse to show my face there for a while. I ended up going to Jo-Ann's by myself one night and while a couple of the pieces I don't love AS much, I'm pretty pumped with how it turned out.
So baby girl, you have a blanket. And I'm really struggling to not set up your crib right this second and get it all ready. All she needs now is a name and an animal friend and about 10,000 headbands. But she has her blanket. Victory. Today I took the girls to each pick out an outfit for baby sister. While stressful and almost a disaster, we survived. And their selection suits their personalities. Claire went with a cat set. I was a little worried that Aoife would want a superhero costume, but she was determined to find a yellow dress in a newborn size. Tiegan was running around like a lunatic and collecting as many stuffed animals as her little arms could carry, so I chose a little sleeper for her. Tiegan will get to help Ross pick out the animal friend.
It's kind of weird getting things together. I'm going in more often for appointments with the normal doctor and still doing the injections every week, but I won't have to go to the hospital appointments that often anymore. One of the babe's kidneys was abnormal from the get-go. I love the specialist doctor. I saw her the whole time for Tiegan. The kidney issue could mean a number of different things ranging from no big deal to big deal, but there isn't a definite answer and probably won't be until she's born so doctor has helped keep a great attitude of we'll not worry until we need to. This week it turns out both kidneys are abnormal and acting up. We'll check on them again right before she's born to see if they've worked themselves out, and if not, we'll see what's going on after she's here. Other than that and settling in super low, she's great and we're excited to bring another little sister to the family! Hopefully she's tough and can handle all of the love from the three big sisters she's about to get.
Originally I had fallen in love with fabric at Hobby Lobby, but had to leave it to take Aoife to urgent care to get her head glued back together and after the scene I made I refuse to show my face there for a while. I ended up going to Jo-Ann's by myself one night and while a couple of the pieces I don't love AS much, I'm pretty pumped with how it turned out.
So baby girl, you have a blanket. And I'm really struggling to not set up your crib right this second and get it all ready. All she needs now is a name and an animal friend and about 10,000 headbands. But she has her blanket. Victory. Today I took the girls to each pick out an outfit for baby sister. While stressful and almost a disaster, we survived. And their selection suits their personalities. Claire went with a cat set. I was a little worried that Aoife would want a superhero costume, but she was determined to find a yellow dress in a newborn size. Tiegan was running around like a lunatic and collecting as many stuffed animals as her little arms could carry, so I chose a little sleeper for her. Tiegan will get to help Ross pick out the animal friend.
It's kind of weird getting things together. I'm going in more often for appointments with the normal doctor and still doing the injections every week, but I won't have to go to the hospital appointments that often anymore. One of the babe's kidneys was abnormal from the get-go. I love the specialist doctor. I saw her the whole time for Tiegan. The kidney issue could mean a number of different things ranging from no big deal to big deal, but there isn't a definite answer and probably won't be until she's born so doctor has helped keep a great attitude of we'll not worry until we need to. This week it turns out both kidneys are abnormal and acting up. We'll check on them again right before she's born to see if they've worked themselves out, and if not, we'll see what's going on after she's here. Other than that and settling in super low, she's great and we're excited to bring another little sister to the family! Hopefully she's tough and can handle all of the love from the three big sisters she's about to get.
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