Three Months.

There's a lot I want to say, and I'm going to cram it all into one post and hopefully tie it all together. Emma turned three months old last week. Let me tell ya, that month 3 was rough on everyone. But last week a magic switch was flipped and she sleeps through the night more consistently. And we didn't even sleep train her. She's a dream baby until about 2:00, usually when I have to wake her to get ready to pick up Claire from school. I love living close enough to the school to walk, but it would be amazing if a bus came and picked her up and dropped her off so naps wouldn't be disrupted.

It takes some work to get Emma to sleep for the night, but gratefully it's happening earlier, like, around 9 or 10. And then I'm home free until about 7ish. Maybe. And she doesn't cry all the time anymore. At 2 months I was losing my mind. If she was awake, she was crying. Inconsolable. And she was awake all of the time. Doc reassured that within the next month she'd figure it out and we would survive. And he was right. She smiles a lot. She's content to just play on her mat. She rolls all over the place. And she sleeps. In her crib. Life just got so much better.

On the flip side, it's been three months and I'm having some postpartum complications and my abs are still split below my belly button. They're coming together, but four kids in five and a half years has put my body through the ringer. I had some tests done last week and will hopefully have some answers this week.

I feel like I've wasted the last three months worrying about my body. And food. Breastfeeding makes me want all the carbs all the time. And for the first couple of months, I probably needed them. Next baby, if there is a next time, I'm just going to snuggle and soak up that fourth trimester rather than waste it hating myself. The past three months have been a total blur. I feel like I haven't been an awesome mom and I know I haven't been the most awesome wife. I decided we needed a little getaway and booked us a weekend in the city of roller coasters and water slides. I was checking out different things to do in Milwaukee since we haven't really been anywhere except the airport there, but hotel and two days at the theme park for everyone for $50 won. This Friday after work the Loveland's are headed to the Dells.

Problem is my swim suits are from Victoria's Secret and not intended for postpartum bodies. Last week Aoife and I went on a date and she helped me find a swim suit. I highly recommend bringing a four year old swim suit shopping. First off- her selection. While I appreciate her help, girlfriend was grabbing the most hideous suits because of the colors. It was fantastic. My fault for going shopping when swim season is over, but the selection was minimal. While trying them on, Aoife beamed and glowed and told me how beautiful I was with every suit.

I've always made a point to not body shame myself in front of the girls. I want them to love their bodies and have the confidence I've never had. We always talk about what their bodies can do and how strong they are rather than whatever shape or size they are. They love to work out with us, but because they think it's fun and know exercise is important. They're always talking about how big and strong they're getting or how fast they are and it's fantastic. Hopefully I can do my job as a mom well enough that they never lose that.

I'm really glad I decided to take Aoife shopping with me. Because if she wasn't there. I probably would have hid in the dressing room and cried, but instead I buckled down and bought a swim suit. I don't love it, but I'm really excited to take these babies down water slides and swim and play with them.  Later in the car Aoife said, "Mom, I saw a really pretty girl, but you were more prettier than she was." It's pretty awesome when you kid thinks you are the prettiest thing on the planet. (I won't let it get to my head, promise. And I'm working on everyone being beautiful. And I'm sure later I'll tackle being pretty isn't everything and there are other great qualities to strive for, but for now let me enjoy her calling me pretty.) For whatever reason, my four year old telling me I'm beautiful and "more prettier" than whatever girl she saw hits home more than Ross telling me the same thing.

I think I'm getting the most out of our family theme, "The Joy of Trying Again", than anyone else. Probably because I'm falling short on so many levels, but I'm really looking forward to some family time just having fun this weekend. I think we could all use it. With a new week, and a new month coming up, there are so many opportunities to do and be better. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a new day, a little sleep, and caffeine.